I visited Chicago earlier this month. The first few nights I stayed at my cousin’s place in the city proper. She has a house with four bathrooms and I had my own bedroom. They have an outdoor patio with a fireplace that will make you drool.
After Chicago, I went to visit my parents in Rockford. They have three bathrooms in their house and, again, I had my own bedroom. Of course, I did. It’s my old bedroom.
Finally, I spent the last few days of my trip in Arlington Heights, a posh suburb outside of Chicago with my sister. I had my own bedroom and I counted a whopping six bathrooms in the house. Their giant basement contains a play room, a home office, a gym, and an enveloping couch for movies. It’s a nice house.
The occasion for the visit to Illinois was my ten year law school reunion. I met up several times with various law school classmates for meals. Everyone, seemingly, is massively successful. They are partners or senior associates in major law firms, heads of litigation, working in the government. Prestigious. They’re all busy and important people making their way up in life.
On the flight back to Denver, I watched On the Basis of Sex, the movie based on Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Back in the day, she was fighting laws that discriminated on the basis of gender. And winning.
The Court should never be influenced by the weather of the day but inevitably they will be influenced by the climate of the era.
Paul Freund
She helped make the world better.
And then the movie ended, the flight landed, and I came back to my apartment and I counted. One bed, two pillows, four plates, six forks, three bowls. One bathroom.
I can’t host anyone.
I’m also not using my law degree to make the world anything.
I still feel a little stuck at 27, my first year working as a lawyer, feverishly plotting how I would minimize the interest the bank wanted me to pay for my student loans.
Now I don’t know if this frozen state is due to early retirement or it’s a quirk of me, but I feel embarrassed.
I have only the bare necessities. I acquired everything by digging through my parents’ basement and accepting freebies on Craigslist and purchasing the basics from the previous tenant. As a result, it’s all mish mash and college and none of my stuff — save some of my clothes — sparks any joy. Hell, even most of my clothes are hand me downs from my sisters.
When I started planning for my retirement, I didn’t think I’d ever want more. I’m certainly not living like someone who has almost a million dollars saved. I know the ability to retire early is because I don’t live like someone who has almost a million dollars saved.
But I totally understand the appeal of Netflix and having a television to lounge in front of, a giant kitchen that’s the home of the house, more than one bedroom and bathroom, and the ability to open your home to visitors. It makes you a grown up.
I have a few takeaways from this angst.
1. Maybe I’m wrong about home ownership and you should save enough money to own a house, to really feel like home. Part of me wishes I had worked one more year to buy a house.
2. Even though I dislike shopping, a home filled with things that bring you joy is probably worth the investment of time and energy. What you’re okay with at 27 might not be what you’re okay with at 36 or 57 or 72. It’s impossible to plan that thoroughly for the future, but maybe give it a bit more thought than none.
3. Especially if you retire from a field that requires a lot of schooling, the sense of an inferiority complex and laziness and failure to do one’s “duty” does occasionally gnaw at you.
Most of the time, I still love my life and feel very lucky to live it. But I do have to wonder if I’m wrong when the occasional envy monster sneaks in. The good news is that if the monster nags quicker than I can express gratitude about my situation, I can change my world. I can go back to work or I can acquire stuff that brings me joy. I have the freedom and flexibility to change my situation. If I want.
After reading your blog now for a number of years, you’re still one of my favorite reads. Thank you so much for that.
Your post today is a most interesting conundrum. I’m a fan of a forum called Early Retirement Forum. It’s mostly older people who’ve retired or those thinking about retirement. Your kind of retirement would not sit well with most of those on that forum.
There was a recent post there of a guy in his 40s, $3MM saved, and he’s having a hard time making the jump. I’m beginning to realize it’s just not that easy for some.
Scarcity is part of our DNA, built into our evolutionary psychology. It’s fascinating how wealthy we are, and yet we’re concerned with not having enough.
$3 million and still worried? I’m not sure what I would do with all that money. I tell myself a lot “Believe in abundance over scarcity.”
You’d move to NY or San Diego and have a house big enough for folks to visit, perhaps?
Dream big, right? But probably not. 🙂
Have you read Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert? It deals exactly with this topic: how we plot our (happy) future, not realizing the variables are likely to change. Something we think is gonna make us happy in 30 years time may not necessarily turn out that way. The message being, yes it’s important to have a vision, but enjoy the present.
I’ve not read Stumbling on Happiness, but it’s on my to-read list, so I’ll put a little star next to it now. Thanks!
First. It’s a joy every time I see a new post from you in my RSS feed.
Second, I try to filter my feelings as internally organically fundamentally generated or external (like envy) where I think about what other people think of me or my relative worth to other people.
I don’t expect to stop feeling envious but simply realising that I’m experiencing external feelings gives me perspective. It helps me see that it’s not that important to my soul.
I know you know all these things. I just wanted to write it down for my own benefit. Your blog, eckhart tolle, yoga have all helped me gain that perspective.
I still feel diminished around successful peers. Wanting a home and goodness around you sounds organic and healthy. Maybe the cost outweighs the benefit. Maybe it doesn’t. Wanting a big home to prove your worth to others is so external and empty.
Wow, I’m honored to be mentioned in the same sentence as Eckhart Tolle. And yoga.
I try to follow my advice, but my advice is just a lot of words and the words are sometimes hard to remember in the moment.
I think there is some truth to the old saying “the grass is always greener on the other side”.
We always tend to notice the things that we don’t have, that are different to the way we lead our own lives.
When you look at them, you see very important people displaying the trappings of their success. To them it is normal, taken for granted.
When they look at you, they likely see a free spirit traveling the world unencumbered by the anchors of responsibility: stressful careers, mortgages, kids, etc. To you that is normal, doesn’t feel that special unless you consciously stop and think about it.
The trick is finding the right balance for the individual, which I suspect is a moving target!
As you observe, purchasing a house would have cost you an additional year of work plus the cost of filling it with nice things, time spent cleaning/maintaining it, etc.
Was investing the year of your life then worth the prize of the house? Probably not.
Would investing a year of your life now be worth the prize of a house? Maybe.
Ultimately it is an opportunity cost decision, and you enjoy the luxury of choice. Sounds like you’re winning to me.
You’re the second person to mention winning in the comments! So interesting. Great comment.
The grass is always greener on the other side. Sometimes.
Remember, when you went to visit those friends with big houses and lots of stuff they made time to host you and see you. But those big houses sit quiet and empty VERY often, because they’re working 40 – 60 hours a week to keep the treadmill running to pay for them. They’re not frolicking around in their basements and TV rooms all the time, they’re working.
You have time.
It’s a trade-off for sure and it’s easy to get lured by shiny and nice things, but you have to be you. And if that means having time instead of things then that’s your way.
Having time instead of things. I’m choosing time every time.
There is a nice line in the Richard Thompson song Beeswing, “maybe that’s the price you pay for the chains that you refuse”. The subject was different but the concept is the same. We make our beds; we lie in them. You were lucky because you had more options than most people.
There are a lot of forks on the road of life. Everyone has their own collection of what ifs. We all suffer from grass being greener on the other side syndrome from time to time. It’s often easier to appreciate the downsides of your own circumstances than it is of others. That doesn’t mean that you should have chosen to live a different life. Those law school classmates are paying their own costs for their choices (commuting, long hours in the office, stress, insufficient free time to do things, . . .).
You have taken the road less travelled. Revel in the life this has given you.
Excellent perspective. Maybe that’s the price you pay for the chains you refuse. Love it.
You’re not misguided. In the end, it’s only stuff. And when you die, they auction it off for pennies on the dollar. When you’re alive, find joy in the people around you, not the stuff that fills your house. Stuff never brings happiness or joy for long. People and relationships do. Stuff adds to stress – how to pay for it, how and where to store it, how to dispose of it when you’re done with it. I think you’ll find the most joy and happiness not by owning a home, but by sharing life in a meaningful long term emotionally fulfilling relationship.
Yeah, you’re probably right.
Just continue to be really frugal for the next two years and use that added savings to put a down payment on a house. Start researching places where you can buy a nice 3 bedroom, 2 bath home for no more than $150k. The added earnings from the two years of additional saving will allow you put a nice amount down as a down-payment and leave you with only a small (super managible) mortgage payment. Don’t make the mistake of buying an expensive home. Nothing, especially no material possession is more valuable than owning your own time. Your retirement allows you to own your own time. You report to nobody. Time is the most valuable commodity. Congratulations. You….are…winning.
I’m a big city girl and not sure I could find a place that cheap in a city I would want to live in. I have no plans to buy an expensive home, but in most cities everything is rather expensive. I’m not whining. This is not a place I’ve done much research.
Jacksonville FL, Sarasota FL? Decent size, you can live in outskirts. If you are only willing to live in large cities with expensive housing prices, you will have few options to buy anything in a safe area and stay retired.
Like I said, I’ve done no research on this question!
I graduated with 2 Law Degrees before changing field. Do I regret changing fields? Nope. My best friend is a partner in a major firm earning loads but stressed to the moon and over-worked.
I met another classmate recently who had to merge his firm with another because, reading between the lines, his wasn’t going so well.
So yes – appearances are so deceiving. I recently turned forty and have noticed how little I care what other people think of me. As long as I can look myself in the mirror and not feel bad about myself, that is a win. Hopefully, one day I will actually feel good about myself.
But then, I realize that it’s all just thoughts anyway. Relativity is huge. As in we’re living in First World countries. 90% of the worlds population look at us as the blessed ones (in material terms).
Not to mention health. God forbid we get a health scare from our doctor. See how much career status and bathrooms matter then. (This last paragraph sounds mean – didn’t mean it to be mean)
First world problems! My complaining reminds me of this movie.
Love your comment.
Thrifty, very much appreciated your honesty here (and that pic of your legs, whoo! Sorry, I’m being honest too) but I don’t believe for a minute you’d be happier if you were saddled with a big house full of lots of stuff. When I decided to retire early 4 years ago, I’m not the traveler you are, but thought it’d be fun to find a new place & move. (And I found a great apartment.) But as I began packing up, omigod hundreds of books, closet full of suits, 6 bookcases, giant entertainment center, tons of kitchen appliances & stuff hardly or never used, I called my sister and told her I was giving everything away, I am REALLY gonna start fresh. I went from a giant U-Haul truck to 2 carloads of stuff! And when I moved in my new place here, at 53 all I had was an air mattress to sleep & hang out on and my laptop! I thought “omigod what have I done??” Anyway, wound up getting some new stuff–a bed & dresser from IKEA, a new couch, a MUCH smaller dining table (seats 3 instead of 8) and thats it–all I know is, for some reason (without criss-crossing the globe like yourself), I’ve never felt more free. To be honest I’ve begun looking around and wondering if I even need this… I’m kinda hooked on those youtube videos of people living in vans 🙂 OK sorry for my long ramble!
Now that I’m looking at that picture again, I think that might be my sister. I pulled it from the shared album of our family cruise. I’m sure I’m sitting right next to her if that makes it better.
Clearing that much clutter sounds so immensely satisfying!
Be reading for about 6 months and decided to break the ice with my first comment.
Love your blog and I keep coming back since I love how open, honest and real it is (you are).
You’re allowed to feel whatever you’re feeling, good that you put it here to get some perspective.
You’re also allowed to have “stuff” that gives you joy. Michael mentioned ERE in an earlier comment and Jacob, who writes/wrote ERE, was all about very high quality “stuff” that he felt good about. He just tried to acquire as much of it as possible for a good deal and did a calculation to figure out it’s true cost.
Spoiler: for quality stuff that he called “classics” it’s usually a better deal since it lasts longer, holds it’s value better, so it can be resold with little to no loss if you’re done with it, which makes your cost practically nothing, or very low per year when amortized. Not to mention the joy it gives you.
I guarantee you’re going to change.
My best friends a 1 bedroom and host tons of people on their sleeper couch, no need to get extra fancy and give guests there own room.
But if you need an extra bedroom that’s also fine (you can always AirBnB it for extra income when it’s not filled with friends and joy).
P.S. I suck at writing briefly and it usually ends up being a winding road since I’m wired as a tangent-chaser 🙂
Thanks for taking the time to comment. I didn’t think it was too long as it was good to read. 🙂
I would love to be in your situation. In fact, we are making great progress to join the ‘work if and when we want’ world.
You are brilliant, I don’t think there’s any doubt there. Could you use your talents to volunteer with an organization? There are many great causes out there and organizations who would love to have your help.
I’m a teacher and would love your help for my students. You could mentor one of my students or talk about personal finance with students at your local school or talk about law at a school. I would love to have someone like you to help teach my students and I’m sure teachers near you would feel the same way.
Just some thoughts. Let me know if you’re interested in mentoring.
I’ll send you an email. Thanks for the suggestion!
Hey, it could be worse. I skipped my recent ten year law school reunion because I didn’t feel accomplished enough, not making as much money as most classmates, not working a prestigious job, AND I’m not retired in my thirties either!
Hard to know if the lower hours government job was the right choice when I could have gone hard for a few years and positioned myself much better.
(you went to a fancier law school than me so your classmates are probably even more high octane, but I still went to a pretty fancy one, and many of them are big firm partners, etc)
So you’re saying I’m probably better off than the classmates who didn’t come to the reunion? 😉
Does the gov job include loan forgiveness?
Nope, I was lucky and didn’t have that huge loans. I was able to I kill them within a couple years of graduating.
Good on you!
I’d bet you’re better off than the classmates who didn’t come to the reunion. Who wants to go and admit they’re not doing all that well?
that’s a very valid point!
I find a house with six bedrooms obscene. Why would anyone need six bedrooms? And think of all the work required to keep a house of that size clean. I feel sad that your niece is growing up thinking that’s normal.
And the fact that you feel occasional envy is not a sign, in my opinion, that you are on the wrong path. Envy is part of the human condition. It’s like a cold– it comes, it goes. I feel envy that my sister is a great gardener, but it doesn’t make me want to garden.
When I read this post, that was my first thought, why do people need such huge homes? All over America, there are such homes occupied by one or 2 people using up earth’s resources. So what if we can and will over-consume? What is it really going to leave for the generations to come? I’m actually very glad you brought this subject up and are being very honest about asking these questions. IMHO, your thrify ways are actually helping your sister’s or cousin’s kids have a habitable earth to enjoy. So kudos to you.
Oh wow, that’s a wonderful to look at it. Focus on the fact that consuming less is also better for the environment and the next generation.
The envy to cold analogy is golden! And the house has six bathrooms, not bedrooms. My sister read that the same way when she was proofreading this article for me.
Actually, we have 5 bedrooms and they are all used. Most homes have 3 or 4 bedrooms but we opted for an extra bedroom for my parents on the main level as they stay with me often and my 77 year old Dad has knee problems and has trouble going up/down stairs. My husband works at home for himself and I work at home a few days a week so we use/enjoy the space and it’s never quiet and empty. I’m so happy and proud to have my home and cleaning it never feels like a burden. I feel sad that you can judge someone before knowing their situation and even more sad that my sister won’t defend her family even though she knows her niece will be raised well and not be stuck up.
I didn’t know you read my blog! I found that arguing with people in the comments doesn’t usually do anything, but I think you defended your beautiful house wonderfully. 🙂
I’ve had a couple friends/acquaintances pass away suddenly and unexpectedly over the past couple months, one was mid 40s and the other early 50s and both with one child in college and another in high school.
My point is you choose your journey for you while you are able to choose. Unfortunate things happen and one’s option could just be a fleeting moment.
I enjoy your blog and your pic too. Perhaps, you could donate your law expertise to the less fortunate/needy in a limited scope, so, you could be part Ruth, making the world a better place, and part FIRE blogger woman of leisure. But, whatever you choose, it’s YOUR journey and I thank you for sharing it with us.
Volunteering is definitely something I need to do more of. Also, what pic?
I identify with ALL of your feelings – not able to host, not using my fancy and expensive degree to make the world better, etc. But the power of your thrift is your choice. You could change your mind and find work again, buy that house, fulfill those desire. The question is, do you want to? For me (and I suspect also for you), most of the time, it’s not worth it.
Btw, I second with another commenter that I absolutely love your blog after all these years. Your writing is inspiration to me to write about whatever the hell I want, and not buy into the conventions of “having a niche”, SEO optimizes titles and all that blah. Way to keep it authentic! So few blogs are like yours today.
I keep losing subscribers so maybe I should have a niche! But the subscribers I do have are awesome, so it’s hard for me to care. Plus, you’re right, I love my life most of the time. Not working is really great.
Thrifty, More upsides….hope you stick to your fitness–and consider (I know this sounds ridiculous) competing in a fitness contest. And writing about ‘the journey’. Another goal: find a great place to buy a nice great house–where it’s sunny, close to a university, fitness gym access, near a good airport. Keep writing, keep inspiring, you bring me a lot of value. Best.
I’m never giving up on the fitness stuff. 🙂
I have thought about doing a fitness contest! A clear goal to finally get that stupid six pack.
I wonder if your pangs are partially for a sense of having a place to call home more than a hankering for a mansion. As others pointed out, those massive homes are relatively empty most of the time. If you really want to host people from time to time, you could (feasibly) afford to rent a community center for the day (the kind of place where they do weddings or whatever), or even put everyone up in a hotel, or in one or more Airbnbs. You could rent a huge 6-bedroom Airbnb for a weekend and fly everyone in and have the whole thing catered, then repeat that once a year – and even with those massive expenses, you’d very likely still come out saving money compared to buying an expensive house in a pricey neighborhood just so you could occasionally host someone. As it is now, you can delight in your ability to throw things in a bag or suitcase and be in Bora Bora or Timbuktu tomorrow, without having to wonder about who will care for and protect your massive, empty pile of wood and stone.
Spot on financial analysis to mitigate the lifestyle angst. Thank you for this!
Hello,
I’ve been retired for 25 years now, retired at 40. I’ve been a tenant and a landlord. There are pros and cons to both. I’ve been a home owner for 35 years, homes paid off for the last 29. For me, the security of owning a home, knowing my financial obligations, knowing that maintenance will get done, that the rent won’t be raised or the building sold out from under me, is well worth the price. I’ve lived in a 3 BR – 1 1/1 bath, 2 BR – 1 bath, 5 BR – 2 1/2 bath, and now a 2BR – 2bath home. Life isn’t static. Each home fit my needs at the time. If you know your needs, you’ll make the right decision for you.
re: guilt about not using your degree – I’d like to be a smart ass and say “Just get over it!” but that minimizes the angst you’re going through, the FOMO thing, the whole question of the purpose of life. Again, life isn’t static, even now, I get thoughts of “maybe I should have ….” but then I remind myself of who I am and the life I really do want to lead. Good Luck and all the best,
Leslie
Thanks, Leslie, for this insightful comment. I do tell myself to Just get over it!
Anita,
I always enjoy your writing. These feelings are real and honest and something always worth weighing. What is each day of your life worth and in exchange for what level of stuff.
I’ve had the pleasure of knowing a few early retirees who did find balance in going back to work or founding their own company. Each of us must find their own path and thank you for sharing your journey.
Robert
Thanks for commenting! I’m hoping to find that balance with a writing “career”. I think the first step is to stop thinking about it in quotations.
I’m in my thirties with a similar situation but different. I saved $ like crazy in my twenties and now it’s paid off in my thirties. I resigned from my job that I liked a lot to help take care of the elders in my family. Any leisure time is kinda weird sometimes. Depression sneaks up on me sometimes and I wonder if I lived my life well enough or not. I feel guilty when I’m not grateful for everything. I was cleaning out my parents house and found something I gave my dad as a kid. It’s a little quote on wood panel. It reads “There are two things to aim at in life: first, to get what you want; and, after that, to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind achieve the second.” (by Logan Pearsall Smith). So I try to remember that. That all is not lost. I’m an artist so I try to make the most of my time, especially before older age hits, older bones, etc, etc. Maybe you would like taking an art class. Something you think you would not be good at. Stir up some different creative parts of the brain. Maybe a life drawing class or something else. Maybe drawing the mish mash with the non-dominant hand. Maybe something creative and fun and weird that would be therapeutic for you. Wishing you well. To everything a season…
I like this comment. Thanks for this! Especially love “here are two things to aim at in life: first, to get what you want; and, after that, to enjoy it.”
Volunteer for one of the 24 candidates.
I like that idea, but when I follow the news too closely, I fall into a depression hole. But I do like that idea.
If you attach a value to the life you are living, you are worth 10 million…..Anita, you are in a position to envy…..love your blog, posts and honesty….hope to meet you one day.
Thanks, Anjani. I appreciate the support.
When you see these big houses (asset side) remember there will usually be a liability side as well (loan / mortgage) to pay for it. pity we are not able to see how big this side of their balance sheets are.
When they eventually pay the mortgage off in 20 / 25 years they will have been a wage slave for that length of time – what a horrible prospect stuck doing a job they hate just to pay the mortgage.
If interest rates ever rise they could find the ‘asset’ they bought going into freefall as well, thanks to our crazy central bankers keeping interest rates so low for so long.
Compare your life of freedom, self improvement and the experiences you have had – knowledge attainment, travel etc to their life of druggery, before an early death from a heart attack or similar, brought on by stress and overwork – saying i made partner and spent 60 hours a week in the office is not compensation enough.
You could always use some of your $1m pot to buy a modest house if that is what you want, as you go through life and your priority goals change (this is only normal).
Thanks for all great posts – please keep up the good work
Interesting points! It’s the golden handcuffs of the job. You buy the big house and you have to keep working to pay for the big house.
Relate 100 % to this. Was working in private equity, all my colleagues have enormous mansions, my friends are amazed at the wealth of peers that earned way less than us, but we have a small home and don’t work… Are we lazy? We could easily get all that and the envy/adoration of friends. I dont know if I want envy, i like stealth wealth, having enough and we have time to do anything.
Ooh, I love the phrase “stealth wealth.” It rhymes!
One thing that softened the blow was when my friends had to do work over reunion weekend. I don’t miss that!
Thriftygal, don’t you dare think your life is small or meaningless. Let’s see, you were successful enough early enough in your career so that you could retire. You published a book about it, and you keep up a successful blog on the topic.
Here’s a thought if you want more joy–give something away. You should research and pick a charity that does the most good in your mind, and give an amount that hurts, just a little. You will change some lives (maybe many) for the better, and you will be justified in feeling joyful about that.
An amount that hurts? That’s an interesting way to put it. 🙂
Don’t do it, it’s a trap 😂
What’s a trap?
I think it’s easy to overestimate the joy that things will bring you and underestimate the true cost of ownership. First, with any big purchase there’s the decision of which exact thing to buy out of all the possible variations. This is possibly followed by buyer’s remorse if you make the wrong decision. Then there’s the maintenance of upkeep of the thing and the decision of if and when to upgrade or replace it. And inevitably you will eventually have to responsibly dispose of or sell the thing when you’re done with it. Multiply by the number of things required to fill a home. When you’re enjoying someone else’s things it’s easy to overlook the burden of ownership. The solution then is to keep doing what you do now… take full advantage of libraries, airbnbs, and generous family members!
You’ve explained succinctly why I hate shopping!
I’m a few years away from retirement but I’m guessing I’ll be able to deal with the envy part as I’ve never been one for consuming things.
What I need is the sense of importance that comes from providing something of (real or imagined) value to some (real or imagined) group of people.
The more valuable I hallucinate being the happier I feel. How will charity work, where you’re there because you’re the cheapest, compare to professional work where you’re there because you’re the best?
Time will tell how I will react.
Either way you’ve provided me with value as I’ve spent a couple of hours thinking about this and I may have become wiser because of it.
How do you derive your importance and value? Is it at all on your list of things that drive you as a person?
A few months ago, I made a top five list of my values and try to make sure I devote my time to that. My values are fitness (exercise), meditation, writing, social, and business (my blog). I try to be very intentional about my time, but don’t always succeed.
There are pros and cons both sides of the argument. I would say that there is a reason the majority work for many decades – for providing family support and in many but not all cases its a sense of purpose as well.
You may not like what i have to say but a million saved up is not a lot at your age unless you live frugally for a long time. You may be fine with that. But you have to be pretty damned sure you will be ok with it for the rest of your life as its very hard to get back into work after a long stretch of unemployment.
It’s all well and good having a bucket list, but that can still be all achieved whilst in work (in a less stressful and time consuming job). Maybe something to consider?
I’m always considering everything!
Hi there. I chose a retirement path using real estate. I highly recommend it. My mortgage will not change as rents do. Buying stuff for a house is a choice not an obligation.
You can even have a 2-3 bedroom rental. Have a roommate. Let them pay the rent. I’m not a fan of this as much because there are many many benefits to owning a house.
My point in all this is that there are many ways to retire. You can retire with abundance or frugality. It doesn’t matter to the universe– it only matters to you. Both are equally as easy to accomplish. It is a mindset.
What it seems is that some folks make frugality/affluence a moral issue. You may be ready to grow in a new direction. Mr. Money Mustache owns homes. He is frugal. You can be even more frugal if you choose and own a house.
It seems ludicrous that people have millions and don’t know if they can retire. Real estate requires much less money to retire because it inflation adjusts. Also, you live off dividends (rents) while your equity keeps growing. Most places in the US you could retire on $600,000 or less. In smaller cities, you could retire on half of that.
Thank you for your post. I enjoy them.
Thanks for commenting. I know a ton of people who use real estate as their primary investment and you make a lot of good points. I appreciate you reading. 🙂
I owed an older home for 28 years in a great metropolitan city. It was a LOT of work, especially as I didn’t have the means to hire contractors so I had to teach myself a lot of DIY. I loved every minute of it. But it was a trade off. Time I spent renovating/maintaining the house was time that I didn’t have to socialize or “put myself out there” to try and find a life partner. Is that why I’m still single after all these years? I’m sure it’s not the only reason, but it might be a contributing factor.
After much angst, I sold the house to fund my “lady of leisure” lifestyle. I’m currently living in Spain, sharing a flat and, I”m not going to lie, I’m not thrilled with my current situation. But the lessons I’ve learned are:
(1) I really miss having a place of my own and (2) I don’t miss the hours spent on home maintenance/upkeep/renovations.
In my perfect world, I find a rented 2 bedroom flat with a terrace where I can have enough potted plants to scratch my gardening itch. Not to mention dining al fresco.
Now I just have to figure out where in the world my flat should be.
Going back to your previous blog post: I picked up the following novel this weekend – “Avoiding Prison and Other Noble Vacation Goals” by Wendy Dale. With a title like that, how could I have refused to buy it? Well, that and the 2.50 € price. I’m enjoying it immensely. If you need a book to make you laugh, try this one.
Thanks for the book suggestion! I also love having my own place and I hope you figure out where in the world to have your lovely-sounding flat. 🙂
There’s something about this age of 27. I felt exactly the same way. It made me look closer at what I really wanted, and what I wanted to build. I identify with your feelings. Truthfully, one of the loneliest years of my life. However, you are right – you do have the power to whatever you want at this point. That is wonderful.
Don’t a lot of celebrities die at 27, too? Pivotal year.
If you haven’t listened to Natalie Bacon’s podcast or read her blog I recommend it just for the fact that she was an attorney who left law to become a financial planner and then left to become a life coach. You’d probably enjoy some of her insights. https://nataliebacon.com/
Thanks! I put it on my feedly.
When you are young everything seems so critical. Most things don’t pass the test of time as very important.Being in your financial position has many opportunities that others do not have. If a home base seems inviting you have many options others do not. Have you considered home ownership as a investment and or travel opportunity? Buying a home in a unique area with secondary suite. Home sharing with people from other countries. Renting it out and sharing the secondary suite with a roommate so you are still free to travel. their are many options when you are not tide down to a job or location. Home ownership might be a route for more opportunities to explore what you enjoy.
All great ideas!
10-year reunions are that way. Everyone (however improbably) is fabulously successful. Except you. Ski lifts are the same way. I don’t know as I ever got on a ski lift with a stranger who didn’t have a little ole construction company back in Louisiana, not much, say mebbe $100 million a year. 20-year reunions are bi-modal: some people you overlooked back when have become VERY attractive, and some people are making it obvious that 2 packs of cigarettes and one bottle of 80+ proof spirits per day are no longer reversible. Their chairs will be empty soon. Inertia, bad life luck and bad genetic luck gradually dominate later reunions, but there is still sometimes a connection with people you shared a lot of energy with a long time ago.
Most of my stuff strikes me as so much toilet paper. The exceptions are things I designed and worked on or things that are the nucleus of stories. The raft I took friends through the Grand Canyon is both; so is a rifle that has fed my family, and a ranch-ful of people in Africa.
Everyone looked the same! Maybe ten years is too short a time period.
Hi Thrifty Gal! What a great post, I really appreciate your honesty and vulnerability. Many wise comments here in response, which I also appreciate. I don’t claim wisdom, though as a now-retired-early lawyer (after 15 years of practice), and multi-time home owner I did have some reactions:
– back 10 or 20 years ago, when I was in it, law had a very high attrition rate, something like 45%. Although, that wasn’t well known. Maybe it’s improved, but it can’t be hugely different. So, the 45% dropouts? You probably won’t be seeing those at the reunion. I’ve personally never been to any school reunion in my life. (My 30y HS reunion was 2 years ago)
– many people after that reunion are reflecting on YOUR achievements, and your life, with envy!
– as a lawyer, I saw way, way too many colleagues die young. That lifestyle kills people, for real. I lost my first lawyer co-worker/friend when I was just 31, I think he was 32. It went on from there. I saw too many people postponing their happiness until they retired – which, naturally, would only happen at like age 65 or later – and then never had the chance to get there. Guess what, THAT WON’T BE YOU! #winning
– I’ve owned a number of houses. You move. When you do, the house stops being “home,” it’s just a house, and they are pretty poor investments. I’m sure you’ve read “Why Your House is a Poor Investment” but it caught my attention recently, and may be worth a refresher read. https://jlcollinsnh.com/2013/05/29/why-your-house-is-a-terrible-investment/ Some people do get lucky in that their house appreciates wildly, but most people don’t. It’s a lottery ticket, with a big annual price tag. I’ve only just realized that not only do we pay $15K/year to maintain, repair, insure and pay taxes on our house despite having no mortgage, we have lost opportunity costs on the cash value of the home. Those are not insignificant. When we lived in NJ, at one point our property taxes were $18K/year. These are serious costs, and no one blinked, everyone thought that kind of ball and chain was normal and good. It felt like suffocation to me. We’re all different.
– You don’t just own a house, the house OWNS YOU. Taxes. Insurance. Repairs. Maintenance. Improvements. Updating (like old bathrooms and kitchens), which may not be so optional as it may be harder to sell without. Time! Heating/cooling more square footage. The list of what a house wants from you is LONG, and seems never ending. Our current house has wanted a lot from us in the 3 years we’ve owned it, and wants still more big ticket items. I think we may just sell to cut our losses, and find a newer/smaller rental. It would definitely be better financially and may also improve quality of life in terms of what we put our other resources (eg time and attention) into.
– in terms of making a different, you are blazing a trail for other people by living your life with FI and writing about it. Truly! It’s hard to believe it can really be done until you witness live people really doing it. You and others like you are giving hope, and helping people like me give ourselves permission to be bolder, or at least try, following a path that seems available but contrary to many cultural norms and beliefs.
As I see it, you are living with so much intention. That can change at any time, your intention, and what a wonderful freedom you’ve created for yourself, that you have space in your life to let that shift. Your six bowls and three forks? Intention and intention. Two plants? Intention! (I’m a gardener so there will almost always be plants in my life. I’m so glad you’re trying a couple; they are so cheery, and I hope it works out that you like having them.)
I bet most all of the people with these lives and homes you admire, have nowhere near the level of intention you do, nor the ability to adapt their live for evolution of that intention. Cheers.
Thank you for this excellent and thorough comment! I appreciate your kind words and your thoughtful take on home ownership. One other commenter mentioned that she owned a home because of the security of knowing her rent won’t go up, etc., but anything on a house can break at any time. I imagine that terror would be worse.
Another reader who’s never commented before, but I read this post at a moment when I am feeling EXACTLY the same way. I live in a small rental in DC and 98% of the time love my 500 square feet and my carefully curated set of possessions. But I just spent a weekend with friends in Nashville, in a house owned by one of my grad school friends. It’s a big house in the burbs, with five bedrooms and lots of bathrooms and square footage and a big kitchen and it’s basically the suburban ideal. (It also cost her approximately half of what a nice one-bedroom condo would cost me.) I’ve long said that suburban life was not my ideal, and it’s still not, but…it would be really nice to be able to have friends easily come and stay, or family visit, or whatever else. To be able to host, as you put it. I have hosted, but a blow-up mattress in the little living room isn’t the same as being able to give someone a bedroom and bathroom of their own.
I’m not going to change my life just because a friend has a nice house, and will continue to live in my little nest where I can walk to everything including work, and will continue to put 40% of my income into investments so I will have immense flexibility in the future. I’m not going to change where I live, which works perfectly for me 100% of the time, for a place that is convenient for the 4% of the time I’d be hosting anyone. But there are definitely those moments where the envy of a different lifestyle becomes sharp and the good parts of someone else’s life/situation seem far more clear than the downsides. It will fade, as I’m reminding myself.
Thanks for taking the time to write such a thoughtful comment. I’m glad I’m not alone in feeling this occasional envy!
Love this. I’m 6.5 years into FIRE and my old friends still don’t understand why I continue to drive an 02 Cavalier. Have to admit my home has 2 bathrooms (but its paid for!) Life is good.
I like your user name.
Cheryl Strayed writes much better than me so I’ll let her say it:
“I’ll never know, and neither will you, the life you don’t choose. We’ll only know that whatever that sister life was, it was important and beautiful and not ours. It was the ghost ship that didn’t carry us. There’s nothing to do but salute it from the shore.” – Cheryl Strayed, from Tiny Beautiful Things.
I <3 this quote.
I feel you on this envy stuff. I kind of dread going to social events with my friends from the past, mainly because its become very hard to find anything in common anymore. The majority of my friends are successful with stable jobs, houses, kids, dogs, and the responsibilities and stresses that come along with all that stuff.
When I catch up with them I would love to brag about how many acres my backyard is or the new giant tool box I picked up on sale, but I can’t. And when people ask what are you doing now? and I tell them I quit another job to drive my old Jeep from CT to Texas to work as a chef in a Mexican restaurant, then got bored and drove back to go camping in the Adirondacks with a buddy from the army in his renovated mini school bus/camper. Then drove to Oklahoma to grow medical marijuana. I get a lot of blank stares, and “You crazy Vig”.
Its tough being different I guess.
I’m a big fan of your writing, hopefully in the future you can use your book money to buy a house like Stephen King with a big metal fence and scary gargoyles at the gate.
Your last paragraph nails my dream.
So you want a house to impress people you will only see once a year if that? Trust me, I’d rather have the time. I bet all those people with the nice houses are in debt up to their eyeballs. They’d rather have your freedom. Having lots of stuff is over-rated. Trust me on that one.
Yeah, I think more time is better for me, too.
I’m sure the envy will pass 🙂 Though, I can’t even imagine what it’s like to get to where you are. You’ve been such an inspiration to me since I found your blog a few years ago! I’m still in my mid 20’s working towards the same goal, but I hope to see you on the other side one day! Thanks for being awesome!
I’m sure I’ll see you on the other side soon! (and the envy has already (mostly) passed!)
Tough not to dwell in the world of “relatives” rather than “absolutes,” even for disciplined and focused folks like yourself. I appreciate your honesty. Your voice is yours and hasn’t been “corporatized” like some other blogs in the space which clearly have morphed into junkie content dumps. Keep rockin’
Thanks, I appreciate you saying that.
I and my wife used to think about upsizing from our 1br 600sq ft condo. But then we stumbled upon an HGTV reality show called ‘Love it or List it’. We enjoy watching that show for the drama, but what we have learnt is how expensive and problematic big houses are.
Mold, floods, infestations, electrical overload, changing city codes, yard work, snow removal, asbestos, septic tanks…..no end to the things that go wrong within 2-3 years of buying a home. And each issue costs 10,000+ to fix (at least on this show). People put up with all this, for those 1-2 times a year that they actually host parties in these mansions. I would take that $10,000 (plus the savings in interest, utilities) and rent an AirBnB mansion in my city and have a catered party if I wanted to.
Excellent point. Unless you’re someone who throws a lot of parties. 🙂
I just want to express that I’m so beyond grateful to you for the honesty here! I’ve been meaning to say that since I read this via your email newsletter back in May – was just cleaning out my inbox and felt compelled to bother to come and actually say this via comment (I know, I know, peak laziness is not wanting to spent 8 seconds redirecting myself and clicking a “comment” button, please don’t take that as diminishing the value of your content! It’s me, not you).
I’m someone who has nearly eaten my little heart out with envy over all the clever people who discovered early retirement before me and plotted their lives around it, thus setting their goals optimally for FI and naturally reaching those goals sooner. I’m trying to translate that jealous energy into something productive, and it’s been valuable, so that’s good news! But reading this post helped take me down a notch in my emotional response. No doubt early retirement is still what I want, but this REALLY helped me relax back into the reality of it. It’s not necessarily all roses.
So, again, thank you!
I really appreciate you taking the time to comment! It always helps me. 🙂
I think the key is to enjoy the journey, but that sounds really cliche.
Big hugs!
Ive also come to realize I can change and do different things, make new directions etc now that Im FIRE. It’s not like I need to remain retired/jobless/small home or anything. It isnt like its cast in stone nor whether someone took a break/retired at 20/30/never. It’s actually just all options and with FI i have a huge amount of optionality.
Too many options can be paralyzing, though, no?
Of course. The paradox of choice as it’s known. Just be happy you made a choice and run with it. We cannot know all our paths.