It’s time to remind you that I really don’t have any idea what I’m doing. I’m winging it and I often wonder if I’m wrong about everything.
The retirement life I dreamt up when I started my retirement chart was pretty specific. I wanted enough money to slow travel. I wanted to cross off the number one item on my life bucket list. See the world.
I didn’t take this picture.
So I saved enough money to live that life comfortably without having to work. Based on that plan, I quit my job and have been “living the dream” for 2.5 years now. My current version of retirement is easy because there are so few fixed costs. No long-term rent, no utilities. I don’t have to buy stuff to fill the space to make it mine, because it’s not mine.
Financially, I have zero worry with this life. I could do this forever and not stress about money. This is the life I planned for.
But, oh.
Sooner than expected, I’ve grown weary of the road. We’re disenchanted with each other. I’m having a hard time appreciating the things I love about travel and travel is sick of me complaining.
Before I officially retired, in 2015, I lived in Sydney, Australia. I don’t know if you’ve ever been there, but Sydney is the best city in the world. It has ideal weather that begs you to walk with it and a solid train and bus and ferry transportation system. The place is so vibrant and so alive.
It’s the perfect city for me.
In a sister life, in 2015, instead of retiring, I accepted that job offer and I still live in Sydney.
When I used to picture that sister life, I’d focus on the things that sucked about it. I’m waking up each day to practice the fine art of corporate lawyering. I never see my family.
When I used to picture that life, I’d feel pretty content with the sister life I chose. This life. I’d snooze my alarm and giddily plot out my big game of Where Next?
But now, more and more, whenever Sydney comes up and I picture that sister life, I feel sad and jealous. In that sister life, I have stability and routine. I can relate to more people because I’m not an outlier without a job. My net worth grows prettier every paycheck. I’m not at all concerned with the possibility I could die in a shooting. Operation Enjoy the Crap Out of Sydney meant I had a whole cadre of people I adored and hung out with frequently. Close friends.
I had a home.
I wanted to buy this holder for my glasses when I was in India, but I didn’t because I’m wrong about everything.
I’m shocked to admit this, but I kind of miss having stuff. I’m getting sick of the few clothes I carry. I miss wearing makeup — a luxury I long ago stopped allocating space for in my carry-on. My lovely earring collection gathers dust. The idea of a stocked pantry makes me giddy. Perhaps I could buy a kettlebell. Cars are so convenient, it makes my heart hurt. Having your own house is probably really comforting.
I miss having reminders of my life in my space. I miss the feeling of collapsing into my own bed after a trip away.
What if I’m wrong about everything? What if happiness is more about roots and people and relationships and productivity and less about freedom and flexibility? Maybe it’s good to have something tying you to a place.
I feel compelled to tell you that retired life is not perfect. The longer I’m retired, the more isolated I feel. There’s something about having a job that just feels…safe. It’s how people know you exist. It’s not something I ever considered when I was working, but there’s something empowering about making money and working your assigned job that I miss more than I thought I would. You have a place in the system.
What if I’m wrong about everything? What if living the normal working life is the happier path?
Fitting in is nice. Relating to people is nice. A nest is nice. Your stuff is nice. A closet full of clothes that fit you is nice. Routine is nice.
Maybe it’s all nicer than having superficial ties to everything, of feeling unmoored and wondering what’s next. What’s next? What’s next? It’s enough to drive you a bit insane. If you weren’t already.
So far in 2018, I’ve spent a bit of time hanging out with my parents. First in India and then in their house in Illinois. I always had someone to talk to and to eat with, someone who cared. That companionship was not something I valued enough in the past, but I think it might be the point of life.
Maybe if I hadn’t retired and wasn’t flitting from place to place, I would have met my someone. Maybe we have a kid on the way and maybe we’re building a life together, investing in a place and making things better. That kind of sounds more appealing than…whatever I’m doing.
Just something to think about. You lose the company of others that are on the path when you veer off and start walking a different path. The views might be nicer, but the crowd is sparse.
Found in Chicago
Life changes coming.
I know what you mean. We’re currently 3+ years into meandering around the world. We’re a family of 4, “worldschooling” our kids as we go. And all of us miss the routine of “normal” life. But we look at it like this is our current “season”. The season of traveling and learning about the world and bolstering the kid’s understanding of their role in this world. But it’s not our permanent season. We’ll move into another one at some point, which will include living in one location again.
So, this is just your season of travel and enjoying the fruits of your labor. You’ll know when it’s time to move to another season of your life.
I love the phrase worldschooling. It’s interesting to me that having your family with you doesn’t make it feel any more “normal.” That’s kind of my secret dream. Traveling with a family I’ve built. Thanks for this comment.
I’m choosing to look at life in seasons too.
May be I can tell you my experience, I will send detailed mail later…..things change with age, with achievement of what we are craving for….
Okee dokee. I’m not great at replying to emails, but I read them all!
Enthralled by the honesty – thank you so much. While I was reading the post, I thought about Jordan Peterson who believes that men today are crying out for responsibility. In today’s world, some men are struggling to find their space/domain. They don’t feel needed. Jordan says their lives are transformed by being able to give to their tribe by having responsibility for something. As opposed to just thinking about themselves all the time.
Is that similar to your feelings?
Very similar. Interesting take! I’ll have to read something by Jordan now.
He’s all over YouTube – he even put some of his college lectures online (he’s a Professor as well as being a Psychotherapist). Interesting guy. A passionate lecturer – not as common as one would like!
Maybe you should rent a studio in Sydney, so you always have a place to call “home” or save more money to buy an apartment or multi-unit and always have a place to call “home” but make money at the same time. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
I love Sydney with all my soul, but I can’t live there without a work visa. Life changes are coming, but it’s not moving back to Sydney. 🙂 Love the suggestions though!
Choices, choices…
It is perfectly normal that your needs change. The good thing is that you CAN choose. You made it possible to change your life. And nothing stops you from changing it again.
But material things never made anybody happy in the long run (cars, houses, clothes, jewelry…). People and relationships do matter in the long run. So just work on that.
All this has nothing to do with working. On the contrary, not working give you the possibility to choose. But if you have doubts, just start working again. You can stop working again any day of the week.
For myself – 2,5 years FIRE now just like you – I will NEVER work again because I hated it. If you liked your job, why not try it out again?
The trouble with stuff is that we acclimate and it stops making us happy. Maybe that’s the trouble with everything that makes us happy. We acclimate.
Thanks for this comment/perspective.
there are merits to all paths, you have the luxury of picking and choosing what you want out of each path and building the life that fits your personality
What about the path of walking across the country dressed as a giant burrito? Do you think that path has merit? 😉
Perhaps, if you feel strongly enough that attention needs to be brought to the fact that Burrito’s do not have a dedicated day of the week such as Taco Tuesday.
Thanks for your honesty. Yes we all struggle with the perfect fit for our best most amazing life. Coming from a first world country we all have so many choices. I think different things are on our ‘bucket list’ at different ages of our life. I’m older. I have a family and grandchildren and I still struggle with ‘what next’. I think it’s not just about work for you, it’s about being passionately connected to something, something that makes your life meaningful and that connects you to others who have a similar synergy. Mr Money Moustache has a family, a child, community and gives money away. Another guy, Matt, organises tours in specific cities and shows his tribe that follow him, the current city that he knows, and makes money from it. Me..I’m glad I have a home that I love, a beach to walk to, ocean to swim in, organic garden to eat from and people who have my back and I have theirs…but I’m surviving a cancer journey…so each day is amazingly precious to me. Can you find a cause that you can use your legal skill set and make a difference and still travel? And your time is being used wisely, visiting your parents and family will be invaluable when they are no longer on this earth. I know what you mean about Sydney..I’m Australian so I get you! Thanks for posting.
Hi Anita – I don’t think it’s about being wrong as such, more that we are all human, and our needs and desires change with time.
I think it’s fabulous you have lived your own life and achieved your dreams, I don’t see any issues with a pivot to a more stable life?
It’s funny because after being on the road for 8 months I’m SO EXCITED to have signed a 6 month lease and have a “home” for that period. I think it’s only natural to feel what you’re feeling….but remember it’s not about black and white…you can have grey! You could jump into a “normal life” for a year or 2 if that feels good, and then give yourself permission to leave that again if you want. Remember, it’s YOUR life!! Create what you like and don’t feel stuck in something because you made a choice a few years ago….life is about continuous choice-making, and it’s ok to make a different choice. Have fun every step! Look forward to hearing about your next move.
I’ve read a few posts like this. People go from a very fixed life, to a very free / travelling life and then settle somewhere in between. Maybe the in-between is the right place for most people (and everyones version of in-between will differ).
I kinda wish I had done it that way, because the free / travelling life sounds like a lot of fun. it’s not really possible for me now, given I have a family, a dog, a house etc.
That said, I don’t think it’s really the right lifestyle for me. I like having a house. It’s a space I created that I like being in. it’s close to my friends and family. I’m in a place (Cambridge, UK), which I think is a really lovely place.
But, recently I gave up a very senior role and switched to a much lower paid, remote role. It’s given me more freedom and I enjoy life much more. We’re going to spend 3 weeks in Cyprus in the summer (I haven’t been away for more than 2 weeks FOREVER) and I want to go visit my bro in San Diego for a month soon. Travel the west coast for month.
That balance feels right for me.
Hey we’re all different and as everyone alluded to here, things change as you age and learn more. And what’s right for you at 20, is probably not right for you at 30. In fact change is often evidence that we’re learning and living life consciously.
Do, it’s not that you got it wrong. Just that you may be ready to enter a different phase in your life 🙂
You know the saying, it’s not the destination rather the journey. I hit the same wall you describe after about 2 plus years traveling the world. Retirement does not necessarily mean going back to what you had before. Consider other options? The freedom you have gives you options. Perhaps the best of both worlds.
Could be semi retired? Depending on what you choose. Sure is nice to have options.
This is my year nine anniversary. I’m loving it, and more grateful every year.
May be traveling is not your ultimate calling? I think you are ready to find the one and settle down. You can’t be traveling forever. You need to love and feel loved every day. And this love should come from satisfying a sense of responsibility. Just the opinion of someone who plans to retire early in a couple more years ( at the age of 30 ) and permanently relocate to india to spend quality time with parents.
Wow, I love the honesty Anita. It sounds like a middle ground of part time work might be a good fit for you. I’m doing that now. I’m financially independent, and I could have fully checked out like you did. I’m a bit older but still way too young to retire by normal standards.
So I went part-time. So far I love it. It gives me the roots and connections that you mentioned missing in the post, but I still have lots of extra time to sleep in, work on passion projects, exercise etc. I work only 20 hours a week at my ‘old’ job. And best thing of all – I keep my benefits. So I have good healthcare.
The comment you made about being an ‘outlier without a job’ hits home to me. I’m only part time and I still feel that way sometimes. When I tell some people I get odd looks. Part of me doesn’t care, but part of me does.
Another option would be to consider your last 2.5 years as a mini retirement. Go back and lawyer again for a few years until you burn out again. Then in 3 years take another mini-retirement. Why build up years of continuous life-killing stress like others when you can meter your work out in doses? Life waxes and wanes, and that on/off cadence might be what you need.
I think we have to remember that if nobody gives you odd looks about anything, you’re probably doing life wrong. 🙂
Followed you for a bit. I have Indian in laws. Indians are not meant to travel life on their own. Find a partner (professional service perhaps) soon (possibility of expanding your family in not so risky). There’s plenty of single men (foreign or domestic) looking for you exactly. I am not convinced you had your heart in your previous dating efforts.
Human beings are not meant to travel life on their own. Yes.
Depth is where the gold is buried 🙂
As others have said, there may be a middle way for you. It will work out fine I am sure
Depth is where the gold is buried. That phrase sounds familiar. 🙂 Thanks for the reminder.
Hey, Anita! This post really touched me and I came here to say that you weren’t wrong. You just have some different needs now. When I get to FIRE, I expect I’ll leave my current high-stress position. But I know I like some structure to my week, so I’m on finding a less stressed part time job — maybe a barista in a local coffee shop or working at a brewery. Like you, I also enjoying fitnessing, so there are desk jobs at many of the swanky boutique gyms around. That would come with a nice bonus of access to classes for free. If Syndney is calling your name, go there and try a few new things out. Best of luck!
I love the idea of working in a gym right now. Thanks!
Dear TG,
Thank you for your latest thoughts.
I too have often wondered if my life would be better if I owned my own kettleball.
You can do more natural weight-bearing exercises like lying on the ground and then standing up with the kettleball.
To be truthful, I just like saying the word ‘kettleball’. If people came over I would show them my kettleball and use it as a conversation starter.
If I had a kettleball, I would paint it red.
Thank you thrifty girl.
I bought a couple of kettlebells from Amazon 5 months ago. As someone who has never done any weight training of any kind I have been amazed at the results. Not body shape changing (yet), but I feel so much better in general. As you get older you naturally lose muscle, so you need to something to slow this process down…
Go for it – nothing to lose if it doubles as a conversation starter 🙂
I read somewhere recently that every single bit of exercise counts and your body loves you for it!
This comment made me giggle. Thanks!
I read with great interest and I, too, appreciate the honesty.
I think you got things exactly right and have lived your dream. I admire your courage. But dreams don’t have to last forever. They change and evolve. You’re ready for the next stage.
What I’d like to add is the perspective of someone who is old. I just retired (I call it the R-word) after 40 years of being a business lawyer. Even at this stage of life I identify with so much of what you write. At almost 69 years old, I need to stop working, but it’s still hard to let go.
Independent travel is in my blood. I feel like I can’t not see the world, regardless of the wear and tear. I’m dealing with balance — how much can I happily be gone from family and friends and home base.
I’ve loved following your saga, Anita. It speaks across the generations. I’m excited to hear what comes next.
After forty years, I imagine “business lawyer” is such an integral part of your identity that I’m not surprised it’s hard to let go!
Relationships matter most in life and it is also great you have the freedom and flexibility to prioritize those relationships. I look forward to watching you continue to evolve on this journey. Good luck with whatever comes next!
Relationships are everything. Relationships are everything. Thanks.
Nah, you’re not wrong. Just ready for a change maybe. That’s the beauty of being FI: You are not locked in.
We were on our long-term slow travel journey when we bought this beach house. Now I’m sitting here early morning watching the dawn, contemplating digging stuff out of the sand washed up over last week’s storm and watching two deer much the tender shoots from the branches that blew donw and are lying on the ground like their own private buffet.
When (if?) we get tired of this, FI gives us the flexibility to do something else.
I hear your voice in my head: “Sensible flexibility is key.”
Hey Thrifty gal! I’m reading this after the shittiest day at work and I’ll tell you that you are doing the right thing by not working. As a manager, employees have more rights than I do. I jad a dream last night that this person came to work and shot me (she has a mental illness, bit she’s a protected class as you know). So you are disengaged at the moment, suck it up girlfriend! 🙂 I think we all need to be thinking about our purpose, regardless of work or no work. You are in a position to lead and inspire others, those who are in that position must bear some burdens occasionally. I love your blog, hang in there! Now let’s go tead some quotes from the Dali Lama to cheer us up.
You know exactly what I need! Reading quotes does often cheer me up.
I hope you find the roots you are looking for! I wonder if there’s some kind of a plant that can put down roots sometimes and also roll around like a tumbleweed. Maybe an air plant? I’m sure there’s a perfect plant metaphor out there somewhere. Meanwhile I am Yenta-ing you with my younger brother! 🙂 Thanks for the honest post–as I think about FI in the future it’s extremely valuable to have these perspectives on the ups and the downs, and I really appreciate your candor and vulnerability.
A tumbleweed! That might be my spirit plant. LOVE IT! 🙂
You are not wrong. You are doing what you need to do, when you need to do it, to become you.
Would you have met your significant other in your sister life? Maybe. Or maybe, had you chosen the sister life, you would be sitting there right now wondering “would I have met my significant other if I had traveled?” [I’ve done both and I STILL haven’t met my significant other].
When in doubt, look for the silver lining. Your silver lining is that you have options. That is a huge blessing and privilege. Capitalize on it. Reflect on whether you want to build a home, and where that home should be. Than start an Enjoy the Crap Out of Building a Home project.
I wish you could come for a visit to Toronto. I would love to have this conversation in person over a beverage (or two).
I do want to be a carpenter at some point, so your Enjoy the Crap Out of Building a Home project sounds like great fun.
And you’re absolutely right! We can never know the outcomes of our sister lives.
You’re on my list of people to reach out to when I visit Toronto. 🙂
It might also be totally random. The “one” significant other might not even exist. It is just a matter of compromise. I think most couples are made out of a compromise. Not sure that having a significant other is also a purpose. It might have more to do with something to look forward to. I am single now but thing will get better once I met someone (which may or may not be true).
My understanding of this post is that a goal is missing. We all need something to look forward to. When you are young these goals are implicit : get 16 so you can drive, 18 so you can vote, 21 so you can drink, finish high school, finish college… When you have kids their goals become somewhat yours. But when you are totally free, finiancially independent and have no kids you have to make up your own goals and this is tough…
Really honest post, it was refreshing to read! It reminded me a bit of Into the Wild, which if you haven’t read or watched I highly recommend. It’s about a guy named Chris McCandless (real person, real story) who cuts all connections after graduating college and travels around the country for a few years. A big part of it is about the connections he finds, despite having intended to disconnect from society. Ultimately it’s about finding some of the truth in life.
The book is great, but the movie is fantastic too. If you check it out I’d go movie then book.
I quit my job to “travel around Asia for a few months.” After a few weeks I had found I enjoyed scuba diving and lived on a tiny island in Thailand for the majority of my trip. Spent my time working as a diver basically. I found out some of the deeper truth in myself about who I am and what I need. I need a place to stay and to be busy. FI (when I get there) just allows for a more realized version of ourselves and the more fun pursuit of that imo.
Thanks for your post, good luck, and do what you want 🙂
I read Into the Wild last year. I didn’t really care for it, so maybe I should have watched the movie first.
Whenever I start thinking about paths I didn’t take, I consciously nip that in the bud immediately b/c a) no good comes from that type of thinking and b) we all make the best decision we can at the time with the information we have and being the person we are in that moment. I mean you could have gotten run over by a bus in Sydney – there’s no way to know what that life would have really led to…maybe a bad marriage that took years and mega bucks to get out of..(pointing to myself.)
Sounds like you are ready to implement the “make changes, assess happiness, repeat if necessary” strategy. So you will figure it out!
Thanks for the personal, very relatable post!
Cool answer and philosophy! I try to think the same way if any “what if” thoughts pop in my head…
This is an excellent point. I keep reading this quote from Cheryl Strayed:
“I’ll never know, and neither will you of the life you don’t choose. We’ll only know that whatever that sister life was, it was important and beautiful and not ours. It was the ghost ship that didn’t carry us. There’s nothing to do but salute it from the shore.”
Damn, girl!!! You hit me deep with this: What if happiness is more about roots and people and relationships and productivity and less about freedom and flexibility?
The truth is that is what life is about – relationships! I was bohemian for a year…in Central America and I loved it…but then I missed getting paid regularly and I hated living out of of a rolling duffel bag so I came back to the corporate world! It’s been 4 years since I came back and it feels like nothing…it’s not killing my soul and I love having to go somewhere Monday-Friday. Even though I’m loving the grind, I will be retiring soon/again (still in my thirties) but I am now working towards being able to stay in my city and not work. Relationships are everything. And home (Toronto!!!) is everything. So living the financial freedom dream at home seems like a good idea. I’ll also travel to the different corners of the world to visit the people I made connections with when I was bohemian.
You’re not wrong about everything…you might just be changing your mind.
This comment section is full of Toronto-ians!
Relationships are everything. I’m going to start telling myself that regularly.
You are writing my thoughts!
Yesterday was my 1 year retirement anniversary.
I love being free and unbound but I lose touch with the friends I had, they are on the path and I’m being judged as a lunatic. I miss being part of “normal”. :-/
Being judged as a lunatic! Nobody has called me a lunatic yet, but it’s possible that they’re saying it amongst themselves. Haha. This made me giggle. Like a lunatic. 🙂
Happy one year retireversary!
As others have commented, thank you for sharing so openly. I also agree with the other comments that it’s not so much about being “wrong” as much as yearning for a change. Can you sign a year-long lease on a furnished apartment in some city that you love? (Sidney, or elsewhere perhaps). Even if you didn’t go back to work, spending some time with a nest of your own might give you some of those comforts that come along with stability.
In thinking about a potential early retirement for myself, I waffle between wanting to be a complete nomad vs a homebody with deep roots. It’s interesting to hear your take on the nomad life.
You’ve hit the nail on the head for the life change coming. An apartment somewhere. 🙂
Hi Anita,
Thank you for sharing your genuine feelings with us. It’s absoultely amazing what you have accomplished at your age already. I say you practice corporate law or a differnet type that would be more appealing to you, part time! You can still have time to love the routine of work, but also enjoy the flexibility of making great money, but on a part time basis 🙂
Thanks, Liz. As confused as I am about life, I know that corporate law is not a real option anymore. I do occasionally fantasize about working somewhere part-time though.
I’ve recently retired from being a 15 year corporate lawyer. I’ve been spending my time pursuing my passion of endurance horse riding and traveling with my horses. It is very fulfilling because I have my purpose. Although I don’t have financial freedom and will have to work part time at some point, I am thoroughly enjoying my time spent bonding with my horses.
I have my “impressed face” on. 15 years of corporate law! Horses as traveling companions! I love it.
Anita, The beauty of the power you have in your life is that you get to choose your path. If you decide you want to go back to work, do it. If you want to go back to Oz, do it. Not because you must, but, because you want to. Good luck!
It would certainly be easier if the answer was “must” and not “want.” Why is it so hard to know what we actually want?
Thank you Anita for the insight! I guess everything in moderation is better than the extremes. Life makes it tricky to find balance but I am sure you will figure it out sooner than later. Best of luck and chin up! Thanks for the inspiration and for keeping it real. 🙂
Everything in moderation. Even moderation.
That’s a phrase I don’t really understand, but tell myself a lot.
Thanks for the excellent and thoughtful post! You are not wrong to explore the bookends of strategies (e.g. overworking and under-working) to see what they each offer. We really appreciate that you explore deeply and report back your discoveries and insights through your posts. I retired a little early (53) without much travel and find since cutting paid job tethers, I was able to re-engage with my expanded community though pro-bono connections, activities and efforts towards climate preservation. Perhaps we, as social creatures and the descendants of team players, need to feel connections of our choosing and look for ways to make them happen. Long dwell time in a place allows those connections to form at normal speed. Moving around more and wanting connections might require some form of “speed connecting” that quickly integrates one into a community. But in any case, it’s ok for a pendulum to swing and for us to experiment and to be flexible.
Do you really think “speed connecting” is a thing? I’ve tried speed dating and it was frankly quite terrible.
Yes! Speed connecting is a thing!!! We do it in the military community as a survival skill!! The problem is that the military community understands this and has integrated it into its “culture”. Hard to break in if you’re not one of “us” – not because we segregate on purpose – it’s just simply life happening at warp speed and we’re bumping around in the same environment as other military souls. I’m out of that bubble now and beating out my own path like you.
Thrifty Girl,
call me too conservative and risk-averse (and you’d be right), but I’m not surprised to hear you talk like this.
I couldn’t think of retiring and forever giving up the paid income stream before acquiring the paid-off home base, family and just enough things to be mainstream.
That’s why I’m 52 and only now on the cusp of (fat-)fire, of course.
Regards,
Michael
Brisbane, Australia
For sure. I have enough money for so many different retired lives, but not enough for a lot of fat FIRE lives. The comfort level line is different for everyone. Especially living in super expensive Australia. I get it!
It’s never too late to change, again! 🙂
Unless you’re dead!
Hi. There’s a whole lot here about happiness –and whether happiness is about roots/relationships/productivity OR freedom and flexibility. It’s going to be different for everyone. But what is the same is having purpose –and here I don’t mean bucket lists and charts to mark yourself against. It’s something bigger (akin to a passion) that you yearn to be, to do and contribute. A purpose does not stay constant or the same either (it will necessarily change & evolve) but it brings meaning, value, challenges, and joy. Stop keeping score and trying to “win” — instead look for what you care about.
I’m learning that the hardest part about retirement is making your own purpose.
the hardest thing about life & living
You are so genuine in your writing about what you are feeling. That is so refreshing to read and makes us all cheer for you. You’ve been brave to follow your dreams and now you will have the courage to decide what lifestyle suits you best now. They say ‘The only thing that doesn’t change is change’. So happy for you in this realization and I look forward to reading your reflections no matter what you do.
I appreciate the cheers more than I can convey. 🙂
Hi, Anita
You are so brave and honest.
I think what you are struggling with probably will continue to change as you move in your life. But think about the freedom you have. The freedom to keep going or tweak some changes. That is what FI is all about, I think. I didn’t reach FI till 50, then moved to Europe to live for one year. But I missed a few old friends, and something nebulous yet deep…and strong had me return to the States. It’s been 6 years since the return. I discovered a few of my old piano students were waiting for me to return to teach them again! So, now 6 years later, I am mostly retired, but still teach my 4-5 students weekly for fun, and some coffee money. But they keep me grounded and give me a sense of purpose. Yet, I still have the freedom to travel, work on writing and playing music for myself.
I think, reaching FI is never really just about the money. It is really about the flexibility and the freedom to choose how to live your life. And it is perfectly ok to change your mind about what is important to you.
Good luck, and keep your mind and eyes open.
I’m friends with a lot of nomads and I’ve found that a shockingly high percentage feel the nebulous, yet deep urge to return to the States. It’s home.
I want to learn the piano.
I think that post-retirement doesn’t have to look one way. It can go from more homey/stable to wandering around the world with no fixed address. I feel like I will be like that when I retire. I’m someone who gets hit with a tinge of longing or nostalgia at intervals. I expect this will continue when I retire, will probably always (?) come and go while I’m alive. I just found your blog, like half an hour ago and I love your voice. Looking forward to reading more.
Welcome!! My voice is the only thing I have to offer, so I’m glad you’re enjoying it. 🙂
“There are no adults. Everyone is making it up as they go along. You have to find your own path, picking, choosing, taking and discarding as you see fit.” – Naval Ravikant
“Nobody ever figures out what life is all about, and it doesn’t matter.” – Richard Feynman
a couple quotes I thought of while being disarmed by the merciless honesty of your writing. I’ve recently achieved FI and am already clamoring for the next set of goals. Post-FI life seems to be a tiny place that lives in the giant shadow cast by charts, percentage points, frugality, and time. The people in that tiny world endure (or embrace?) a forced disassociation with their previous professions. Without the comfort of defining who we are by what we do, we are left trying to create sense and purpose out of the temporary arrangements of molecules within and among us. I’m looking forward to seeing how you try to resolve this fundamental challenge, and hope that you find happiness soon.
I love these quotes and I love your last paragraph. Thanks so much for this sentence – “Without the comfort of defining who we are by what we do, we are left trying to create sense and purpose out of the temporary arrangements of molecules within and among us.”
Big hug.
I constantly think about this. I’m not FIRE yet but I worry that once I get there it won’t be as great as I thought it would be and all this saving and planning will have been for nothing. I second guess myself constantly and it’s making me miserable. At the same time, if I didn’t at least try for FIRE I would regret it. Sometimes more choice is not necessarily better. The paradox of choice!
It most definitely won’t be for nothing! Freedom and flexibility are still worthy goals to pursue. It’s necessary, but not sufficient. I totally get the second-guessing part though. That should be my middle name.
Dear TG
I’ve gained so much from your posts and shared it with many people. This last post really touched me.
I’m sure you will soon find your next direction, and it will be adventurous and fulfilling.
I see many people have offered you advice and consolation, I’ll let them counsel you more succinctly than I can.
Take care and keep in touch! We love you!
Thank you! The idea of you sharing my posts really touches me. 🙂
You aren’t wrong. Don’t trade a life that will be full of amazing adventures for an ordinary life with a full pantry. You had a dream about freedom and you made it happen. Find a travel companion and don’t ever look back.
But what if the pantry had a few different types of olives? Wouldn’t that be swell?
There is no right or wrong.
This is your journey.
Enjoy the ride and don’t fret🙈👍🏽🕉☮️🕉
Emoji fun! I don’t know how to do that. I suspect I have to download some sort of “app”?
for emojis, you can copy-paste them from this website: https://emojipedia.org/people/
It is not stuff, routines, friends or family. Purpose and impact are what is meaningful. A single person with motivation and purpose can have a real effect on things. I have supported that and seen a disabled person get dropped legislation back on the agenda of Congress. She and her friend called, wrote, networked and built a movement of Women Veterans to keep up the pressure on changing legal processes in sexual assault and other cases under military law. It has not changed yet but, they have kept up the pressure, for mental health and other services which prevent future, crimes and tragedies. Find a meaningful cause, food justice, homelessness, peace or something else important. Beautiful people will notice you and you will find your amazing partner.
I suspect you are completely correct.
As an INTJ and econ major I can relate to having to mull over all your contingencies and weighing your opportunity costs (I guess you even throw in sunk costs) and it can be super stressful. And with your success and capabilities the possibilities are so vast that you almost need your own super computer to process it all. But I think you will figure it out and get what you want, you seem to always do.
I think being a writer you should be writing more instead of trying to switch jobs again. I’m not sure if you have read the War of Art but it’s meant to kick writers into action.
Lastly if you start drinking again and smiling at guys at bars, internet strangers will have no chance.
Thanks for the book recommendation. It’s on my list!
this was a very thought provoking post, I’m new to your blog and love it. Thank you
Welcome!!! Sit down. Have a drink. 🙂
To assume one static way of living would suffice for a lifetime negates the reason you sought change to begin with. Freedom from what you were doing at the time, something new and excited that engaged your senses in a new way. But then I’m a bit Stoic in my assessment of most things…. 🙂
That’s a good way of thinking about it. It’s silly to think one lifestyle could work forever. The only constant is change.
I’ve always been actively following your blog.
Your life changing decision to retire at a young age inspires me, as i’m someone who is constantly battling with my hate-hate relationship with my career.
I feel more and more eager to quit my job as i see how you enjoy having time freedom (obviously my life dream).
But now, this entry really got me shook gurrrrllll.
I donno whether this is necessary but i guess i’d like to share a few ideas of mine of what to do after i retire (which i’m still waiting for the right time to come and hopefully real soon).
First, i’d like to focus more on actively updating my blog and also venture into vlogging, full time.
Somehow while stressing out on daily basis, right now i’m not really inspired to update my blog more often and that makes me feel sad inside.
Secondly, i also have a plan to learn how to cook. Currently i’ve no energy left for activities that i enjoy doing because i’m drained during my working hours. I go home everyday just to crash on my bed.
Thirdly, i want to write a book (or two). That is like my ultimate life goal. I want to produce a good, fun book for everyone to enjoy. I inspire to be someone who can aspire others.
I could go on and on about all these plans but what i’m trying to say is that maybe you can curb the feelings you’re feeling right now by looking for new activities to venture into.
Like learning new languages or skills such as, i donno, maybe sewing or knitting or painting or even acting.
The key is to keep staying active and find new social circles that can add values to your life.
Just so you know, your decision to retire young has inspired many so keep rocking girl!!! 🙂
I hear ya! I started this blog when I was working and it often lay dormant for months because I didn’t have the time/energy/motivation to update it. Your life goals sound a lot like mine. 🙂 Thanks for commenting!
Loved the honesty in your post, and it really spoke to me. We are in Year 3 of being retired nomads, albeit on the older side, having started at 53. It is still working for us, especially as we have slowed down to a month or two in a place instead of the more hectic schedule we kept in Year 1. I do think having a travel companion makes it easier, although we have met very happy single nomads as well. The key to any choice is to feel free to change and modify as you.go to suit your changing needs and desires. I am certain that you will figure out the best next step for you, and I agree with others that you were not wrong about anything, you are just adjusting as your preferences change. That is life, and those of us who are able to follow our bliss for a period of time are indeed very lucky, even as our bliss changes!
Oh, and I was a corporate lawyer, too! Love your blog.
Yes! We have to remember how lucky we are to follow our bliss, even if it’s just for a short period of time and even when our bliss changes. Thanks for this perspective.
You are a beautiful soul, Anita. I’m excited to see where your journey takes you next, and I’m looking forward to learning how to make my life better because of you.
Thanks, my delicate little sunflower. 🙂
I think you need to get laid!
That’s possible.
I loved reading this! And your blog in general, but this was so beautifully written and heartfelt. It’s refreshing when people say they don’t have all the answers. I look to your blog for inspiration and guidance on early retirement, but you do a good job at reminding us that early retirees are human, too.
You have options- you can probably work at any job you want. It’s never too late to move to Sydney and grow roots there. Thanks for reminding us, me, that I can still continue working even after reaching FI (whenever that will be), that I too, have options. Keep documenting your journey and trials and errors for us- it sure is a sweet ride!
Thanks for writing such a sweet comment!
Anita,
I completely understand the feelings you are having. Putting down roots is a great thing, but please don’t confuse getting rooted with going back to work. They don’t have to be the same thing.
The first time I retired, I really struggled to find my place. I thought leaving work would give me the freedom and flexibility to find all the things that were missing in my life.
It did, AND I was lonely. And a little bit bored. Which made me feel untethered. So I went back to work.
What I found was that old feeling of being rushed, of all my time being devoted to work, to not having time for my friends and family because I was hopping a flight to the frozen tundra to deal with a work problem, of political bs making me tired. But I was also was using my brain and engaging deeply in problem solving and helping people, and feeling gratified from getting a big project done and a nice bonus. I was becoming less and less pleasant to be around, and I wasn’t seeing the world, which is my passion.
I guess what I am saying is that nothing makes us fully happy all the time. The base is the same – being FI means that you don’t have to worry about how to pay your bills, you’re not forced to stay in a miserable job because you have to. There are parts of not working that I love – I can travel to anywhere at the drop of a hat, explore cities for months instead of a weekend. But it can be a lonely road. There are not that many people who understand. And when you find a great guy but he can’t travel with you because he is not FI, whatever choice you make will feel like the wrong one from time to time.
For me, I am choosing to try the non-working route again, with a little more self-knowledge this time.
Thanks, Val! I know when we first met you were just going back to work and were feeling rather excited about it all. I like the update of choosing not to work.
I love this sentence “nothing makes us fully happy all the time.” Lovely and true!
This comment opened up many perspectives in me 🙂
I just read that over 50% of American workers feel burned out, up 32% from a decade ago. Yet people out of work feel isolated and miserable. People used to like working, but now us workers are all overwhelmed. What’s missing is balance. The workplace has become all about control and taking away the worker’s freedom, so people aren’t happy.
I work in a field of medicine that is incredibly amenable to shift work and that also has a huge shortage of docs (at least until the PAs take over), so you would think that employers would try and make their workers happy with flexible jobs, job sharing, part time, night differentials etc. Strangely, and not to their financial benefit, they would prefer to rely on temporary workers. It makes no sense.
There is no reason why you shouldn’t be able to do corporate law on your schedule, and no reason why I shouldn’t be able to do medicine on mine. One day a week, one case at a time, whatever. But the modern workplace seems to value control over efficiency, happiness, productivity, stability, and even money.
There is no perfect choice in such a world.
Solution to all your problems:
1. Date me, 36, single, no kids and about same net worth 😉
2. Buy a house in TX (Read 1) and put your own law practice, being your own boss allows you to eliminate all the corporate drama; you are not doing it for the money and we live there so if you don’t make a profit it doesn’t matter.
3. Get a portrait of Sydney and set it in your new office.
4. We go on vacation to Sydney once a year.
Problem Solved!
Hey Anita,
I can relate to your experience a great deal. I traveled for ~2 years after working for a bit after college, and before ultimately going back to law school in the states. I was definitely burned out on traveling, and wanted to live in a home with walls that I could decorate and food in the fridge. I also really wanted to get a pet.
Well, it’s an old story, rife with metaphors. The Grateful Dead have said it most succinctly, most recently, in Truckin’:
“You’re sick of hangin’ around and you’d like to travel,
Get tired of travelin’ and you want to settle down.
I guess they can’t revoke your soul for tryin’,
Get out of the door and light out and look all around.
Sometimes the light’s all shinin’ on me,
Other times I can barely see.
Lately it occurs to me what a long, strange trip it’s been.”
In short, everyone needs to find the right mix of push and pull.
When I was traveling on a shoestring, after awhile all I wanted was some stability and to be working toward a goal. Then I got to law school, went six figures into debt, and felt trapped in a job that was in many respects beneath me.
To use a cliched metaphor, the grass always seems greener over there on the other side.
Kierkegaard said it as well as anyone:
“If you marry, you will regret it; if you do not marry, you will also regret it. . . . Laugh at the world’s follies, you will regret it; weep over them and you will also regret that. . . . . Hang yourself, you will regret it, do not hang yourself, and you will also regret that; hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret both. . . . This, gentlemen, is the sum and substance of all philosophy.”
You’ll find the right balance. For me, I decided I was willing to learn how to enjoy being a lawyer. My job is a lot more satisfying than it was 10 years ago, when I was a junior associate. I plan to “retire” (i.e., leave wage slavery) relatively young (late 40-s/early 50-s), with enough capital to own my home, travel when I want to, and stay local when I want to. If I had to guess, I’ll probably spend ~8 months a year in my home base, and ~4 months a year visiting friends and family and new places. They won’t likely be consecutive months.
I like to keep 5 and 10 year plans in mind, though they constantly evolve. It’s important to my happiness to set and achieve goals, both long-term and short-term, but to be flexible.
That’s what suits me, though it took me a long time to figure it out.
The journey continues as long as your body and mind still work.
This makes me want to go read Kierkegaard. Thanks for the excellent comment.
Think dharma.
Thanks for sharing this perspective. It’s a great reminder to me that the human condition doesn’t change when we become financially independent. If all goes to plan I won’t need to work in 2022 and to be honest I’m obsessed with that goal and fixated on the day I will walk away from corporate life. On some level I understand that such a life change won’t magically fix all my problems, yet I still kind of feel like it will fix all of my problems hahaha. Your elucidation of what it feels like to burn out on “freedom” is such a helpful tool to remind myself to try to enjoy the journey. If I’m not finding happiness and fulfillment now I’m not likely to find it when I no longer have to work. All that said, I can’t wait to no longer need my career to survive!
Also, if you are lonely and want a family, you can’t and shouldn’t just wait around for a guy. I personally can’t recommend adoption for ethical reasons, but why not consider DI and being a SMC? You have the money, and it sounds like you really want kids. It’s a big step, and not right for everyone, but something to consider. Everyone I know who has done it is really happy.
Never liked the word “retired”: I like “time out’ better. Retired to me means “worn out” or “finished adding value”….I’m just doing different stuff now, admittedly more of my choosing. So Anita, you can still choose: do whatever you want (legally); if ‘legal work’ and its tribe stimulates you, do it. If settling down in say, Seattle, where I am, sounds great; come up and tend bar, make coffee, write about the rain, and climb Mt. Rainier. When you stop looking, he or it will ‘find you’.
I think you are looking for connections. Work can provide connections but there are other things that can provide connections too.
Anita – Thank your for sharing the raw feelings with this post. I think you’re searching for meangful work and purpose, not your sister life. Law wasn’t your passion, something else will be. Find a community and routine. Best wishes
Your message is so very raw and so very honest. I am on the path to early retirement and have been battling with the thought of why did I buy a house? Why am I buying my cabin out in the middle of no where, AK? Do I need these things? Yes I do, I want to live by my family and make permanent memories there and yes I need my cabin because growing up that it was I remember most and I want that for my family as well. We all need something in our lives that would make retirement or even just financial security that much better. You go girl! Live how you want to live, no one is holding you to that lifestyle but yourself! Loved this post!
Love your writing! So honest and real. I’m also retired, young, and single, so I understand exactly what you’re saying. I’d just be careful not to throw the baby out with the bath water, so to speak. Not working and living the nomadic life and two separate options, and you can have one without the other. Just because you’re ready to be less nomadic doesn’t mean you have to sign up for working life again. As you say, there are many upsides to spending most of your time in one place, and you can have those upsides without all the downsides of having a normal job again.
I live mostly in one place, and it has so many benefits – stronger relationships, ability to have a routine (which leads to a stronger relationship with yourself), building volunteering networks and giving back to the community. Just to name a few. If you choose to settle in a big city (LA rocks), you’ll also get plenty of variety, newness, and stimulation on a day-to-day basis.
Thanks for writing this. I really appreciate your honesty. I’m 2 years into FIRE and while my stats are different (I’m almost 50, in a home, partnered w/ one elementary school kid) I relate. I really like not missing family events because of work. I don’t like having to put so much effort into seeing people who are mostly busy when our kid is in school. And the side volunteer stuff I have isn’t quite adding up to Purpose yet. thanks for putting this out there and if you’re ever in Minneapolis I’d love to have a drink!
It’s like you’re speaking directly to me (except I haven’t been to Sydney yet). 😄
I’ve been on my early retirement world adventure for 22 months now. I’ll stick with it until Day 1,000 (31 Mar 2019). After that, I’ve decided to settle in Germany for at least a year. I crave some stability. I miss MY bed, MY kitchen with MY spice rack, and I really miss MY closet. I ache for that fleeting sense of the familiar. I’ll still travel, but more of a monthly excursion than as a lifestyle. I’m also contemplating lecturing a seminar on F.I.R.E. and my experiences with financial independence strategies around the world (I’ve met a LOT of people who have challenged themselves to live the dream). Life is about passion. You must find yours. Even champions push themselves to get better.
Maybe something to ponder…
This is something that is close to home for me. In my 20s I feel like I did everything that most people do in a lifetime, only to find out that they weren’t the path to happiness. People look at me, and like you, can’t relate, based on my life experience. I was very ambitious and frugal, not ambitious now, but still frugal, bc by ‘achieving’ all this I found that happiness does not lie there. Happiness does not come from a relationship, or relationships, from starting a business, from traveling the world, from working only 60 days a year, to having a rock solid Insanity workout body, to volunteering 24/7 for the causes I believed in, to camping for pretty much an entire year, etc. I had to do all this to realize that happiness doesn’t lie there. And it’s a slow fucking road for most people, I am glad I have realized this at 30.
This relates to Jim Carrey’s quote, “I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.”
So why can’t I relate to people? well, because I am not on that boat anymore, a boat to some object to fullfill something. People used to look up to me when I told them stories. I have stopped. I don’t share my adventures anymore. I don’t want to fool them. It’s all a giant distraction. Everything.
You seem like a very similar person to me. We actually met in Illinois at the Airport. I saw another article on you in cnn this morning, went to your website, and wah-la, confirmation of everything I have experienced as well. And I am here to tell you that happiness is internal, and whatever goes on inside is what you carry with you no matter what country you go to. It’s why some people can sit in a chair for 8 weeks and be perfectly happy. It’s not an outside job, it’s an inside job. The quicker one realizes that, the better.
Can I relate to people? Ha, no. Maybe people in their 80s. Definitely not those in their 30s.
Did I find happiness? I’m hella content, so much that I am paralyzed with what I should actually do because I don’t need to do anything to get it anymore. New problem =P
Am I lonely? One thing I have learned is that the grass it always greener on the otherside. I remember being lonely while being in a relationship and having a loving community. The illusions are grand. But honestly, yea, sometimes. I spend more time with non-human animals now. But it’s not because of anything I am or am not doing. It’s because everyone is so distracted by this happiness seeking that we have this deficit in really seeing one another.
Maybe this will spark something for you, maybe it won’t.
I’m going through the comments section just to read comments that give some food for thought. Thank you for sharing. You seem spiritual 🙂
I just started to follow your blog. I discovered it by chance reading a Forbes Facebook post about you.
I am currently planning to retire at the end of next year at the age of 48.
Reading you post and going through the various comments posted, the first thing that comes to my mind is that maybe you need a base. A place where you can have your own place, establish lasting relationships and have a “normal” life few months every year. There are so many places in the world where you can cheaply set a base.
Having two little kids (4 and 1 years old), I must have a base.
I found it in Spain. We already moved there, while every week I commute to my office in Milan, Italy.
I am really enjoying your blog and I am looking forward to reading almost everything you wrote in the next couple of weeks.
Buona fortuna! Suerte! Good luck!
Marco
Doubt is normal. All of us wonder if we made the right choice, especially if we deviate from the herd.
I have a job, and people would regularly tell me I was nuts for writing. “You’re a doctor. Why don’t you just be a doctor,” said my brother. A U.S. Customs agent told me the same thing.
Now, at least one reader told me, “That was so good. You don’t have to be a doctor!” (‘Course, I’ve gotten the opposite feedback on online reviews, but you’re not supposed to read those in order to keep your sanity.)
If you decide to change your course, that makes sense to me. Constant travel can be fun but also tiring. And if you decide you like to keep travelling, cool. That also makes sense to me, because you’re an adventurer.
You can plant roots without going back to the cubicle.
Thanks for sharing this. You’re a cool person. I trust you’ll find your middle ground.
there’s nothing wrong with wanting a family and putting down roots. Has been the mainstay of human civilization, there’s something that speaks to the human experience that it’s so attractive. Btw, having kids is a hoot and, like Bill Murray said in Lost in Translation, your kids probably will be the most wonderful people and you’ll love hanging out with them, enjoying them, helping them etc. Good luck with your search.
Whether your working or retired I hope you are able to find your sense of purpose in life. I listen to Ric Edelman podcasts about retirement and he says that with life expectancies getting longer some people go in and out of retirement throughout their lives. It’s better to travel and experience the world when you are young and active. It might be better to rethink retirement as not some end all where you work until 65 and then never work again. I’ve talked to some millennials who are used to working in the gig economy. One person I know who is an RN volunteered Mexico for a few years, came back to the Oregon to work for 2 years and now quit her job to take 3 years off to volunteer in another country. She favors life experiences over physical things and plans to alternate between working and retiring a few years each time. With nursing you only have to work around 960 hours in 5 years to keep your license active.
Thank you for the honest voice. I admit I teared up a bit knowing all too well the struggle of the human experience. There’s already great advice and wisdom on the comments here but there are two things I often remind myself when I feel restless and questioning myself.
Seneca’s letter (letter 28) to one of his students on traveling. I’m not a huge traveler but it’s good to question myself why I am traveling. Am I running away from something? Will this trip add value to my life? How long can I be away before the trip starts to feel detrimental instead of valuable? This is a cute illustrated version of Seneca’s letter I recently read: https://www.moretothat.com/travel-is-no-cure-for-the-mind/
Life is a big ole science experiment. It’s okay if I’m wrong when new information comes into my life. Our actions and experiences become our data and we can adjust accordingly to form a different hypothesis to make a more reasonable conclusion. I’m still likely to be wrong but the goal is to be slightly less wrong. It’s relieving to know that it is okay to be uncertain about what we’re doing.
Best of luck with the upcoming life changes! 🙂
Hi Thriftygal!
Thanks for the reminder…that we don’t know what we are doing…it is useful for me as well…even though I get more reminders of this than I would like throughout my day 🙂
I thought I would give you my 2 cents on what you are going through.
I have travelled all my life, and lived in a few countries, and generally feel that travel is really exhausting for me. It is rare that I don’t return from travel and have an immediate feeling of bliss when I finally return and am able to lie down in “my own” bed; there is comfort in routine, and the known, for me. Traveling is fun and exciting in controlled bursts it seems. Humans are tribal, and it is hard to get a sense of community when traveling. All of this take a toll.
I quit my job for a year, about 2 years ago; I had similar feelings of not belonging, isolation, and such…being out of sync with the world. I am pretty sure, however, that a corporate job is not the answer to any of the imperfections that you see in retired life. Probably, neither is having a home in a traditional sense (rental or owned), nor more stuff, nor a car. I am probably a couple years from retirement from a corporate job, and after my year off, I know I will likely never want to go back to that.
I think it is definitely about roots, people, and relationships – however, not at the expense of freedom and flexibility (financial anyways). You actually are likely able to have it all (or what you now may have found is is the new “all”)…unless you have realized that freedom and flexibility are not very important to you, why consider giving them up, unless you have to? (I am fairly certain you don’t have to).
If you haven’t met the one for you, I am fairly certain, it is not due to how you are living your life (the reasons why you have not met him, I do not know…but my gut says this is not due to your lifestyle)…you will likely find the one for you, and then you will adjust (not the other way around). Regardless of how you adjust, I think, the crowd will be sparse…the world does not seem to be brimming with characters like you, and your audience. Let’s just hope that MMM builds that dating app he was talking about, before it is too late for all of us 🙂
Anita, This post received highest number of comments???
This was eye opening! I really want to quite my job, haven’t quite funded my future self yet, but this helps me feel a little more satisfied with my daily grind. My ideal is a bit of both, working at will or working part time, traveling some, but not always. Keeping the house but maybe getting a room mate. You can always go back to work for a little while and then you will look back fondly on the retirement time and look forward to it again!
Holy crap! A popular post with so many comments! I Certainly didn’t read them all, so what I’m about to write may have been said. Since you seem to read these I’ll give you my two cents.
Cent one, what you describe is very common in FI. I have read so many online journals and blogs. At about year two or three of FI whatever itch the retired person REALLY wanted to scratch has been satiated. The most popular seem to be travel (sounds familiar), child rearing a young family, or start some type of self-employment dream. This was the “why” of becoming FI for that person. After a couple of years living the dream, it’s just flat-out been fulfilled… So now what?
This leads to cent number two, paradox of choice (if your not familiar look it up). Being FI means you have the choice to do almost anything, hence you are less satisfied with choice(s) made. More choices = less satisfaction with choice made, It’s psychological fact.
This is why I constantly encourage younger FI seekers to only save FU money (rather than spending a decade or more going for FI, which wasn’t really an issue in your high earning preFI situation), then scratch the itch they have. After a certain amount of time they’ll likely end up plugged back into the economy in some fashion. This is because anyone smart enough to reach FU or FI at a young age is likely going to want to contribute to the world. In capitalism contribution means some form compensation, usually even if it’s not sought after.
Thriftygal, do what you want. If that’s geographic stability and finding a partner, do it. Get a job if you want that stability/routine, you don’t have to be a corporate lawyer. However, at any given time don;t overwhelm yourself with all the choices you have, narrow the field quickly and make it an A, B, or C thing, not a A-Z thing.
This is a brilliant reply to a brilliant blog post and as someone who wants badly to be FI I am glad that someone has the courage to tell the truth. I had to look up what FI meant (Financial Independence) I don’t really know what FU means? Future Use or is it like F-you which both make sense, with some cash in the bank it frees you to be able to say FU to your boss or company when it gets bought by a private equity group and loses sight of what’s important or you just want something different.
@Stacy FU traditionally means F**K you (:
Essentially, this is an amount of money which provides a given individual enough safety to get out of the rat race or an unsatisfying job, but not enough to “retire” or be FI (financially independent). This amount varies greatly by person due to personality, resourcefulness, family situation (ie some have dependents). Since people have different spending levels, I usually look at it in multiples of years of expenses. For some 1 year of expenses may be enough to consider themselves FU, for others it may be a decade or more.
My overall point is, one you have enough to pursue your dream (or scratch your particular itch), with a decent personal safety margin ,go ahead and do it! Waiting and saving years longer to reach FI will likely land you in thriftygal’s position; She’s FI and will likely earn more, totally unnecessary for her needs and wants, money in the near future. Or worse, missing the opportunity to scratch that itch because of a change in life circumstances that tens to happen as we age. This is true based on my large base of case studies.
I think that was the saddest FIRE blogger post I’ve ever read. 🙁 I hope your lifestyle change brings you what you’re looking for.
A friend of mine told me something a long time ago when I wasn’t happy with my circumstances in life despite being in a situation that I had been anticipating for a while. She told me that she believed that you make your own happiness, and I’ve taken that to heart. If the years of slow travel have started to wear on you, maybe it’s time to opt for “roots over wings,” to quote jlcollinsnh. It doesn’t have to be permanent: you didn’t practice law forever, so nothing says you have to be a traveler in perpetuity, right?
You’re in the enviable position of being able to dictate what your hours are spent on every day and, to a large extent, where it is that you’re spending those hours. It’s just a matter of time before you find something that works out for you.
P.S. – So where exactly is “the third circle of hell” where that turkey is located? 🙂
All the reasons why I’m still working summed up in this post even though I’m FI and have been banking 100% of my paycheck for a year now
But we’ve given your book to all of our friends!
Spot on. The regular going to work life keeps me grounded and more importantly groomed like a decent human being. The moment I jet off it’s just comfy clothes, sans make up. Ask any traveler and overtime the basic hygiene and appearance drops a notch compared to going to work and having actual professional accountability. The FIer has no need to dress to the 9s and not saying we have to be like that every day but from flip flops and shorts to not shaving, to cutting your own hair… That’s when one begins that subtle slipper slope into alternative living
And the problem with alternative living is?
She has listed several in her post. No life is perfect – even FIRE
“The FIer has no need to dress to the 9s and not saying we have to be like that every day but from flip flops and shorts to not shaving, to cutting your own hair… That’s when one begins that subtle slipper slope into alternative living”
This implies very sensible measures, such as learning to cut your own hair, is a slippery slope… A slope to what? what do you mean buy alternative living?
Thiftygal is lonely and bored with travel, what does this have to do with wearing comfortable clothes and cutting your own hair? Your comment makes no sense, please clarify. Are you saying people who cut their own hair are are somehow inclined to existential crisis? If so, please provide the connection.
Providing a negative connotation to someone being self sufficient and frugal on a FI website shouldn’t go unchallenged. Please actually explain yourself.
been busy with work. Will reply on my blog
Thrifty Gal,
Do you want to trade your place in life with mine?
I sit in front of the computer all day long, my eyes are strained, my neck hurts and I feel I do not get enough blood circulation in my body. The job is boring and monotonous as hell.
But the worst part is that I have to sit like this for another 12 or more years.
I live in Russia and there are no index funds and no possibility to retire earlier and the economy is going down and there is a crazy dictator Putin in power who does not want to leave and destroys all kinds of freedom in our country.
Hello Eugene, Have you tried moving to other countries, it is not easy to settle in foreign country leaving the roots but may be you will like it?
First time commenter but have been reading your blog for about a year. Just wanted to say thank you for your honesty. I still want to reach FI and leave the workforce earlier than most, but I appreciate you not sugar coating your experience.
Anita, I have shared your post with many of my friends….you are an inspiration for many….hope you will find what will make you happy…
Girl! I’m so glad I checked your blog today. I haven’t read it in awhile, but I tell folks about you and GoCurryCracker, and others. And I totally get that you’re growing weary of the road, longing for human connection and pondering your sister life. You, madam, are a thinker. And that’s such a beautiful thing. I am in my late 50’s, and I agree with the whole “season” perspective on life. My family has been through many seasons. For example, we recently lost my sweet Mom after an extended illness. It has been such a blow, but I’m realizing that I’m no longer a full-time care-giver…that my husband and I have time for each other…time to realize some dreams. I know Mom wanted us to move forward and live for her, so that’s what we’re going to do. My precious hubby and I own a web-based family business and are slowly transitioning it over to our kids. He and I are leaving in June for the entire month…then again in August…then again in January, March, etc. Our kids are really stepping up and taking on the responsibilities of the business. It’s starting to happen for us! Our retirement dream is very different from most. We do not have the wander-lust that so many seem to have these days. We have found our version of paradise…a sleepy little beach town in Florida, and that’s where we go to feel free and at peace. We are looking to buy a house or two down there so we can still operate some aspects of the business from there and have family close by. The plan is still evolving, but we are all feeling such positive vibes…I know my Mom is watching over us. I feel that she is cheering us on…that she is part of the push that we feel to make some bold moves soon. Cheers to the next season…To quote a sweet girl I kinda know, “Life change is coming.” Thanks so much for your candor, and for all the inspiration : )
Anita, Where are you?
This post resonates so much with me. I’ve experienced shifts in what I enjoy doing and how I enjoy living. As such, I’ve re-callibrated my work-life balance several times in the past. I’ve come to accept that for me there’s no perfect formula. It’s more of an ebb and flow. I’m looking forward to reading about the adjustments you make. Take care!