I know it seems like I’m talking to you, but I’m really just a narcissistic lunatic writing to herself. I’m trying to help my future self navigate.
I write because that’s how I process the world. I’m reviewing and theorizing about what works and what doesn’t work for me, reporting my events and taking notes on what I’m learning. Writing helps me clarify my thinking and prods me to update my narratives.
We all tell ourselves stories to make sense of the world. All of our stories are wrong and incomplete and occasionally even ludicrous, of course, but it’s the best we got. We’re all just feeling our way along the wall, looking for the light switch, doing the best we can with the information we have.
Berkeley, CA
One of the kindest things I can do for my future self is to gather information. The more information I gather, the more useful the narrative. I also have to constantly update my narrative. Constantly. Everything is always changing.
I need to seek out information, research, analyze.
Unsure or confused about something? I need to remember to ask questions I might be afraid to know the answers to. Communicate. Updating my narrative for accuracy is more important than avoiding uncomfortable feelings because the answer is not something I want.
Because feelings aren’t good or bad. They just are. We assign the meaning. They’re hormones and chemicals that send you intuitive whisperings for things you may want to consider.
I know. Sometimes these feelings forget their manners and stop whispering and start screaming like an asshole. But just because they’re loud doesn’t make them right.
So I write because I don’t know how else to constantly update my narrative. How do I sort through the screaming feelings and the logical reality somewhere in the ether? What exactly is going on? Why am I here on this spinning rock in this vast void with things that exist that are so much bigger and so much smaller than my tiny brain can fathom?
I have no idea.
But I’ve journaled since I knew what journaling was to try to explain it to myself. This is truly excellent because it’s the writing process that’s the fun part for me. This part, what I’m doing right this second, is enough to make me content.
You are entitled to your labor. You’re not entitled to the fruit of your labor.
I think this phrase all the time. The joy in the writing process is mine. What happens after my words are out in the world is not mine. I’m not entitled to my words resonating with anyone, even future me. I’m not entitled to any specific outcome. That will never be mine.
But this, this right here, this moment. It’s mine.
If you can find joy in the process, in your labor, the only part that’s yours, I think that’s a huge part of happiness.
It always seems to come down to mindfulness.
I read somewhere that the difference between an amateur writer and a professional writer is that an amateur writes for herself while a professional writes for other people. As I’ve explained, I most definitely write for myself.
But, “be a writer” is still on the life bucket list and I still don’t feel comfortable crossing it off. Over the last two and a half years, I’ve devoted, on average, two hours a day to this writing habit. It’s not enough. I want more.
So, I’ve pushed more chips into the pot and promoted myself to an official part-time job. I’m devoting 4 hours a day, 24 hours a week, to writing. I want to be a writer.
I have enough internal strife that I could write about my own nonsense for four hours fairly easily, I think. But several of the pillars of joy are about giving to other people. I love when an article seems to resonate with you.
Except, I lack empathy and have no clue what people who are not me care about. I’m hesitant to give you advice because I don’t know anything about you. The answer to every question, the lawyer inside me says, is, “well, it depends.”
Cuddling with a kitty in Malibu, CA.
I so appreciate you, my dear reader and I’m always flabbergasted at your existence. Your time and attention are your most precious commodities. That you choose to spend a few minutes of it connecting with me makes my heart happy.
Is there anything you’d like me to write about? I can’t promise that I’ll write about things that you may suggest and that I have zero interest in, like college hockey or techniques for cooking steak, but I’m officially opening my brain to suggestions.
I started my bog last fall and like you I’m an amateur, but I enjoy it and it helps me mash through things in my head. I would love to freelance write at some point and get paid, but I don’t know how much I’d enjoy having a deadline and a specific topic to write about. Or having someone ruthlessly critique my writing and say “uh, no. Make it better”
I like the idea of freelance writing too! I like the idea of someone telling me to make it better and giving me constructive criticism. But the deadlines and the actual work feel of it make me hesitate. I LOVE the idea of making money from my writing though. Freelance is an “easy” way to do that, I think.
So here’s the thing. Your subject matter drew me in to your blog; but that’s not what keeps me coming back. It’s your style that makes me return. So write about whatever*, but write it well and write it in your voice.
*not quite what you’re looking for I know.
No, that’s exactly what I was looking for. Without constant reassurance, I die. 🙂 Thanks for the comment!
Yep, I second Miss Nomer. And I also like the way you think. No nonsense.
Oh, there’s plenty of nonsense in there too. 🙂
Hi! I am interested to read essays about your travels. A good mix of funny and sad ! Also essays on your journey with depression, since it’s rare to find a young successful person willing to talk about it, and even non narrative, just practical tips on traveling (topics could include how you pack, how you connect with locals).
Thanks for sharing your musings =)
Thanks for the ideas! I’m putting them on my list. I actually write quite a bit about my depression, but am hesitant to publish it because I don’t want this blog to become too much of a downer. But that’s probably what I write about most if I’m honest with myself.
Here’s an article on packing and traveling that I just reread for the first time in years that I think is pretty good.
I would be interested in reading about the mindsets of people of Australia. As someone who seems to spend a lot of time observing and thinking, I’m sure you formed some thoughts on Aussies while you lived there. What is their approach to personal finance (saving, spending, debt, etc.)? What can we, as Americans, learn from them? More generally, what are their views on work, play, and life?
As always, thanks for your thoughtful posts and interesting ideas.
Oh, that’s an interesting idea! Now that enough time and distance has passed and I’ve purchased my rose-colored glasses, I love Australia with all my soul. It’s on the list of possible topics. Thanks! Now I need to go find my list of Australian slang.
Writing about your travel story (of course with some context about joy, FIRE etc.) will be great. I always like to hear from people on the road with interesting stories. That is the #1 goal for me once I declare FI. Writing for yourself will be good starting point, actually even you feel like you are writing for yourself, but other people like me are paying attention.
Thanks for the feedback! I have past travel stories that I could definitely share. For some reason, I thought that since it happened years ago, before you guys knew me, it wouldn’t be interesting.
I would appreciate more insights and perspectives of being an FI-single. All but one of the other FI blogs I’ve found are written by people who are married/half of a couple, often with children. I have none of that built in support network/family. I think that’s a unique perspective that you can add to the general conversation, and one that I would greatly appreciate. Even if you offer me no solutions/ideas, it’s still comforting to know that I’m not alone in trying to figure out how to do this as a single person.
Okay! That is another topic I spent a ton of brain cells on, so I know I could write about this more. I like this suggestion. Thanks!
There are two topics you already write about that I find particularly useful. Your book reviews and your mom’s recipes. You write excellent book reviews, which I appreciate when adding to my goodreads “want to read” list. I love Indian cuisine and just started cooking a few dishes within the last year–it’s not easy to find simple, straightforward recipes.
And similarly to Carroll’s comment: travelogues, how to guides, and reviews based on your travels also interest me. By how-to guides, I’m thinking along the lines of your post about how you used house/pet sitting as a way to stay for free in various places. How you pack, how you were able to nomad (did you get rid of most of your stuff? Where did you leave it, if not?), and things you did in a particular town (e.g. did you visit any attractions, how did you get around, etc.).
Despite these suggestions, I really enjoy reading the posts that you write for you, about what’s going on in your brain. It feels like your blog is centered around your life bucket list–that the theme is what item you’re working on and how it’s progressing.
Thank you for the excellent feedback. I really appreciate it. Especially the last paragraph! Your suggestions are on the list too. And more book reviews are coming eventually. I’ve just been rather lax lately on reading. 🙂
As a self-published author, I applaud your decision to make a career of writing (even if it’s a part-time occupation). But don’t say you “want to be a writer”, because you are a writer. And by creating this blog, you are (in fact) a published writer.
Keep the faith! You’re doing it! 🙂
Thanks! I tell myself every single day “writers write.” I’m forever combating the imposter syndrome! I’ve not made any money off my writing, but writers write and money isn’t the point.
Nice to see the world in others eyes.
I follow your writing because I like the way you write and your honesty.
Honesty helps me craft the most accurate narrative. 🙂
If i was your ideal reader I would tell you to keep writing about the same stuff you write about now just more. You could treat all your topics like a weekly newspaper and release more posts a week.
Topics:
Travel – Talk more about the cities you visit, where you can get a good chai or falafel. Maybe more description and story telling rather than just calling somewhere dusty.
Adventure – Talk about where you hike and your impression of the trails.
Thrift – Any suggestions on saving money and why you should delay satisfaction.
Book Reviews – I like these and currently only have 7 books left on my reading list. I became accustomed to picking 1 or 2 of the books off your list and adding it to mine every month.
Philosophy/Self Help – just interesting topics in general to talk about.
Romance/Relationships – Drama is always interesting, and sex sells.
Fitness/Diet – There are a lot of false information out there about fitness, and a lot of new information coming out, since you do the research anyhow you could keep sharing what you find.
You – You’re pretty delightful, keep talking about what you think.
Misc – What ever else sparks your interest enough to research and write about.
Added to the list. Thanks!
This is so helpful! So many times I get discouraged thinking about the outcome of my work, that no one might ever read it, but I have to enjoy the process like you said. That’s the reason I started. Thank you for this. Also, I really enjoy your book reviews. I read “$2 a day”.
Big hug! Thank *you* for this.
You are a good writer already. But yes, practice makes it perfect! I am a pianist and a wanna-be-writer, and I work on both almost everyday. Your comment —about finding joy in the process, the only part that is yours being a big part of happiness—is so true. I think the secret to happiness and fulfillment is finding a way to perpetuate those joyous moments. Make them last longer, ie keep working on them. I get up with a desire to make music and to create words dancing on a blank screen, no matter how long it takes and how few words I am contend with. Feeling that desire and want makes me happy! Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing.
Feel more like a pianist than a writer? You’re not a wanna-be-pianist and a writer. It’s interesting the words we choose! Oh, I love words.
I agree that the best way to get better at something is to just do it, every day, as you do with writing! I also agree with another commenter who said that you are a writer already. I have a strong desire to create/write music and have been working on thinking myself as a music writer already, and giving myself the time and space to actually work on writing music every day.
I personally feel that the best creative work happens when the author of the work is in touch with their own human experience — truly in the “flow”, letting creative energy move through them and allowing them to express things unique to them but part of the shared human experience. I think the common trope of “write what you know” is really true — not just what you know on an intellectual level, but what you know on a deep, emotional level. Therefore, I am not sure I agree with that quote about amateurs writing for themselves and professionals writing for others. I think when we are deeply in the flow and creating our best work, in fact we are writing entirely for ourselves, to get something deep in us expressed, and that is what will result in something that connects and resonates with others.
Therefore, what I would like to see you write about on this blog is what you know — how you experience the world, how your unique perspective and experiences out in the world help you understand life just a little bit better. I think this is a lot of what you already write, so mainly, keep it up!
Thank you for this comment!! I’m not sure I agree with the professional versus amateur comment either, but it’s something that pops into my brain whenever I update my retirement chart. I still *feel* like an amateur! But, as an amateur, I can write in the Olympics if that becomes a thing. I also always felt like an amateur lawyer, so maybe this is more to do with me.
I struggle a lot with feeling like an amateur at music, so I understand! (My college degree is in computer science so the voice in my head goes something like: “you didn’t take piano seriously until your 30s and you have no credentials whatsoever in music, so who are you to think you can write music?!”) Hence all that I said about trying to be in the creative flow and remember that I am in fact a creative being and I don’t need credentials to do so. I’m currently working through a book called “The Artist’s Way” that addresses this sort of thing.
I’m glad you’ll be writing more! You’re a phenomenal writer 🙂
Oh, you!
I would like to write about how you choose the pictures the picture you embed in your stories. I keep wondering if you are in malibu writing this entry.
I’m told I need pictures to make the post look pretty, so I just look through my old pictures for ones that aren’t terrible. I’m not in Malibu. I was last year though. Fun times. 🙂
I appreciate you too! I <3 your blog because you sound like a real person. Most of the other FI blogs sound too commercial (ironically), and have too much of that glossy-magazine tone.
There's already plenty of info out there on the mechanics of getting to FI — I'm more interested in what someone does afterwards and how you cope with the change and what you think about, which is why I love your blog. (Although your "What if I'm wrong about everything" was kind of scary — I'd loved to hear more on what you figured out after that.)
🙂
Feeling that way for months before I published that What if I’m Wrong post was scary too! But, it’s the loneliness that’s the devil and not the actual not-working part. Community, friends, a home was what I was craving. I’m still working on it, but it’s much better than what it was.
Oh — and your blog also helps me imagine what life after FI is like without actually making the leap myself. I’m prolly in the same financial situation as you, and I want to do the things you’re doing — traveling, setting my own schedule (and writing!) — but I’m afraid to leave my peer group and social circle. Do you wish that there were more early-retired people in real life to hang out with? Or like, I wish I could tell my friends, “hey, let’s all quit our jobs together” as easily as I can say “let’s take a vacation together.”
But until then, I’m going to live vicariously through your blog 🙂
“Do you wish that there were more early-retired people in real life to hang out with?”
Every single day.
Would love to hear more about how you deal with your depression. Specifically, what do you do when a new depressive episode arrives and moves in? Drugs? Meditation? Exercise? CBT? Wait it out? How often do you have a full blown episode, and how have they derailed, or changed the course of your life? Has being FI changed this in any way — either the likelihood that depression will hit, or the treatment approaches that you use?
Oh, man, I could write a book on your questions. The depression is with me every single day, but I do feel like I have developed an arsenal of coping skills to quiet the voice in my head that hates me. I’ll write more about this.
I am currently single for the first time in 15 years, so I’m interested in hearing more about your adventures navigating the dating world. Love your articles about what makes a human happy and how we should be spending our time on earth…making connections, setting goals, etc. Your articles are very personal, and that’s what I love about them.
Yeah, dating. Dating…sucks. More to come.
How to be happy, how to spend time on earth, making connections, setting goals! Definitely more to come. 🙂
The one thing that motivates me in keeping a journal is the feeling I get when I finish writing on that last page, and flick back through 365 days of random etchings – happy, angry, sad, bored, indifferent – in different coloured biro.
I did this the other night and it inspired to me to pop in another refill and repeat the process all over again.
My journal may ultimately be ‘a show about nothing’ (credit: Jerry Seinfeld) but it’s still interesting to read.
So many situations we think are serious at the time which we can laugh at later (if we haven’t forgotten them).
I keep a one-sentence a day, five-year journal and it’s the best! I totally get what you mean about the different colored pens.
Anita, your honesty is what resonates with me. It gives me the confidence to be more open with my writing.
Don’t stop writing! Nope. Keep writing.
If you say so! 😉
I would also love more dating posts! I tend to be more serious, introverted, and deliberative so getting to know people is not exactly my strong suit. Have you been to Camp Mustache? I’d love to hear about that. Which bloggers / vloggers / podcasters are your favorite source of inspiration?
I love Modern Mrs. Darcy, and she has a weekly “Links I Love” post that is quick and fun — that could be a nice change of pace from your usual posts. I imagine it could give us more insight into the little things that catch your eye, or it could help you find new adventures or topics if you’re drawing a blank.
More dating posts…I have no idea what I’m doing there, but I’m writing about it, so stay tuned, I guess.
Camp: I went to one in May and it was a blast. I highly recommend it. There’s also a Camp FI in September I may attend.
Bloggers: I regularly read Gretchen Rubin on happiness and I really like Mark’s Daily Apple on fitness. Captain Awkward (advice columnist) is another favorite on my feedly. I’ve never watched a vlogger or listened to a podcast. I’m behind the times.
I read a ton of books, but spend minimal time browsing on the internet, so not sure how many links I could post. When I’m on my computer, it’s writing for my blog. I’ll see if I can make a list of articles I read that catch my eye going forward though because I do rather like the idea.
And I just read a bit of Modern Mrs. Darcy and she’s great! I put her on my feedly. Thanks. 🙂
Even if you don’t do the podcast or vlog thing, sharing what you’ve been reading and your thoughts/reactions would be interesting!
Also, I really really enjoyed the muscle-mind article and keep thinking about it when I go out cycling now. It really resonated with me and I am loving it!
Like many others have said, you have a wonderfully refreshing style… even when the topic isn’t super pertinent to my life, your posts are a pleasure to read. 🙂 So, thanks for being awesome and putting your thoughts out there!
(PS thanksalso for the tip about Gretchen Rubin, I used to follow her podcast and never thought to check out her blog!)
I share my book reviews! I’m compiling a list of interesting articles I read online, but since I don’t read much online, the list doesn’t grow very fast.
I’m happy you appreciate the muscle-mind connection!! It’s the main topic I talk about and think about lately, so I worry I’m boring everyone I meet. But it’s so amazing! Oh, it’s the best.
🙂
I’d like to hear how you deal with haters. I’m surprised how few strangers seem happy to hear about FIRE. How do you deal with blowback? Especially with depression?
I have not really encountered many haters in the real world, to be honest. With people I don’t know that well, I tend to say I’m taking a break from working. I don’t really get into the whole early retirement thing.
My family and friends were always supportive. Surround yourself with supportive people and the world seems to support you.
I like how your mind thinks and how you express yourself. No current suggestions regarding what I’d like for you to write.
I would like to know how my cat got on your lap!
Thanks for the encouragement. 🙂
Tabbies are the best, aren’t they?