Have you read the Book of Joy yet? I read it several months ago, but my mind keeps wandering back to it, specifically a story about a wise farmer.
Our farmer’s horse runs away. His horse! He loved that thing. It was how he made his living. Farmer’s neighbor comes over to lament.
Farmer’s neighbor: I heard your horse ran away! I’m so sad for you. That’s bad.
Farmer: Who’s to say what’s good or bad?
A few days later, horse comes back to Farmer and he brings some wild horse friends with him. Farmer’s neighbor comes over to celebrate.
Probably not our Farmer’s horses.
Farmer’s neighbor: Look at all these horses! Owning a bunch of horses is good.
Farmer: Who’s to say what’s good or bad?
A few days after that, Farmer’s son breaks his leg trying to ride one of the wild horses. You could see the bone peeking through the skin. It was pretty gross. Farmer’s neighbor comes over to bemoan.
Farmer’s neighbor: Your kid is now a cripple. That’s gotta be bad, right?
Farmer: Who’s to say what’s good or bad?
A few days after that, war breaks out. The king enforces a draft of all able-bodied men between the ages of 18-25 to fight those guys. Farmer’s son, no longer able-bodied, is spared. He stays on the farm with his parents and no competition for the ladies. Farmer’s neighbor comes over to rejoice.
Farmer’s neighbor: No war trauma for Junior and so much tail. I know that’s good.
Farmer: Who’s to say what’s good or bad?
I like Farmer. Who’s to say what’s good or bad? We tell ourselves stories to make sense of the world around us, but our stories are woefully incomplete. Really, who’s to say what’s good or bad?
Over the last couple of months, throughout the small victories and gloomy pits, I’ve started to repeat this phrase to myself.
I think this phrase when I instinctively cringe at something I don’t want to happen, events that make me angry or worry me. Oh, the check engine light is on? Well, who’s to say what’s good or bad? Maybe the mechanic is really cute and we run off into the daisies together.
I think this phrase too, when I want to jump into the air and tap my toes together in glee. Oh, the check engine light is now magically off? Yeah, who’s to say what’s good or bad? Maybe the sensor is broken and the car will soon strand me in the middle of nowhere.
Questioning value judgments on the little things hopefully prepares one for the medium things. Didn’t get that job you desperately wanted? Cute boy didn’t call you back? Who’s to say what’s good or bad?
Questioning value judgments on the medium things hopefully prepares one for the big things. Disease? Death? Who’s to say what’s good or bad?
Not good/not bad is the latest resolution on my chart I’ve been crushing on. It’s not good. It’s not bad. It just is.
I think the point is not to dwell, but maybe it’s to create a more consistent state of tranquility.
I like this story – resonates with where I am at. Thanks!
I’m glad!
Love this post!
It reminds of the most concise advice (I think it was from a monk to a King) “This too shall pass”.
I have a tendency to that mindframe myself but, sometimes, would like to feel unrestrained joy (I very seldom do) just cause… it feels good and life is short.
Also I think it ties in with mindfulness/present moment/Eckhart Tolle thinking. Nothing in the present moment (especially if you’re fortunate enough to live in the first world) (aside from someone about to stab you or shoot you) is THAT bad that it warrants a dramatic response. If we focus (and this is much easier said that done due to the way our minds are conditioned to dwell on the past, fantasize about future) on present moment, then all these things are quickly in the past.
The horse left yesterday? Well today is today. I was able to get out of bed this morning, I’m pain-free and I’m going to get breakfast.
Great comment. The Power of Now is another one of those books my mind goes back to frequently.
And the unrestrained joy is something I caught a glimpse of recently. It’s there and it’s great, but it’s kind of startling to fall out of that. Harder to appreciate the mundane after you’ve experienced the sublime.
Yes I think it would be!
I’m in a self-created mundane don’t react to anything type world. Feel a bit detached.
Would like spurts of joy now and then. I guess it’s all relative in a way. If everyday was max joyful all the time, then that would become the new average day??
We need the mundane/average to provide a baseline from which joy can trampoline.
Apparently that’s why some rich people lose the rag over a minor hiccup in say First Class on an airplane or a minor fault in their Bentley. They are accustomed to a really high baseline and life will fairly frequently bring you below that no matter how much money you have.
Therefore people who, like myself and I guess the vast majority of people on earth, started out in life low on the joy or wealth barometer should in theory find joy in smaller gains than someone already really joyful/born rich.
I realize joy and wealth are separate worlds and perhaps I’m wrong to be grouping them together. Just making a point about low baseline giving more room for growth.
I can appreciate the highs because I am so acutely aware of the lows. Thanks for the follow up comment.
You have a very concise powerful way of writing.. Hemingway-esque. You can say in a line or two what I try to say in multitudes of paragraphs!! 🙂
“I can appreciate the highs because I am so acutely aware of the lows.”
Nail on head.
I’ll have to check this book out. Seems like kind of a stoic-type philosophy. Things are what they are, and you can’t change what happened. So accept it and move on. Stoics do (i’m pretty sure) think things can be bad or good, but that doesn’t matter as much as how you react and what you do afterward.
Stoics for the win!
Stoicism was exactly what I thought when I read this!
The Farmer story is from the Stoic’s eastern brothers & sisters – the Buddhists & Taoists.
https://theunboundedspirit.com/short-story-the-taoist-farmer/
It’s also found in a kid’s book with awesome watercolor pictures featuring a giant talking panda and three siblings that live next door – “Zen Shorts” by Jon Muth. My 6-year-old daughter was really into that book a few months ago. I read that farmer story a lot.
Great post, Thriftygal. I keep trying to remember this lesson too.
Zen Shorts looks adorable.
The Book of Joy was one of the saddest books I have ever read. I had to chase my reading sessions with reading Comedy Writing Secrets by Mel Helitzer, both were so good that I will probably go back and read them again in a few years.
After listening to a podcast with Tim Kennedy recently, I started thinking about what it means to be good and bad at the same time. The person deemed as a hero can at the same time be deemed as a savage murderer depending on who is doing the deeming I guess.
Or in the case of Vincent Van Gogh can be seen as a crazy loon during his life and then as a masterful genius after his death.
Its strange that people can be viewed so differently at the same time or different times, all the while they are just being them.
Also if you actually have a check engine light problem, you can bring it to autozone and they will scan the obd/2 and print you out a list of all the codes that were fired for free. They might tell you what exactly is wrong or you will have to google what codes pop up for your car and figure it out. Maybe it was just a loose gas cap, but you can never be to sure.
Interesting. I did not find The Book of Joy sad.
Really? Maybe its just because i was ignorant of the hardships the Dali Lama and Desmond Tutu had gone through during their lives. But I thought all the stories of exile and separation in the book were distressing. Even though the Dali Lama still is able to vocalize his content it seems he still has a deep separation from his home and a desire to eventually return.
Added with all the stories of young children being separated from their families because their parents decided it would be in their best interest to ship them off to a different country, not knowing what actually their lives might be like once they are gone. How shitty of a time is that to live in a place where your best path is to separate from the ones you love, or maybe it wasn’t the best path, I don’t remember anyone asking the school children what they thought.
I also thought it was kind of sad in general for the Dali Lama. Hes so important he has been restricted and guarded since a very young age, only being able to experience the things other people agree would be in his best interest. If i reach 80+ years and someone tells me I’m not allowed to visit a sick friend because of nonsense i imagine I would be a lot less peaceful. His life has been too guided and not enough freedom to experience the true spontaneity of life. I couldn’t do it, its not style.
Thank you for this! I need to remember this every day!
I should also read that book. 🙂
I put it on my resolutions chart so I remember this every day. 🙂
No person can say what’s good or bad. But every person can decide that whatever is the current situation can be the basis for contentment, if not happiness. Try it yourself when worried — what am I grateful for right now? Maybe not “glass half-full”; maybe even close to empty. But some, and that may be enough
Thanks for this. Excellent last sentence.
Farmer really is treating life like time in an index fund.
Market crashes? Who’s to say what’s good or bad? Now this stuff is on sale!
Market goes back up? Who’s to say what’s good or bad? Maybe the new economic conditions create a race of oligarchs that are evil and now have the money to ruin the world.
🙂
who is to say if reading this article was good or bad 😉
Me. I’m to say. 🙂 Definitely good.
The Bible offers Christians comfort despite negative circumstances. Embracing the joys and sorrows in one’s life distinguishes the Christian from the Stoic and others who advise indifference to both positive and negative. The Judeo-Christian oldest story depicts Job’s sorrow, confusion, and anger who nevertheless prioritizes relationship with his creator through his faith that there is wisdom in the slings and arrows of adversity even if he cannot perceive it. The obstacle is the way for both Stoic and Christian with Gethsemane and the Cross as mere waypoints to apotheosis. Thus, fear not, keep going and things will work out OK.
We all know what’s good or bad, but not until the decision has been had….
Hi Anna,
Loved your book.
Re: Resolutions Chart. Google sheets recently introduced Insert > Checkbox.
For a compulsive list maker, this is a game changer.
Keep up the good work.
Anna is my fake name that I use for mailing lists and such. Google Keep has a checkbox feature that warms my soul, too. Oh, Google!
What if you did is that good or bad?
I love this. This is exactly what the Bhagavad Gita plus my temple TRIED to teach me when I was little (I had and have awful attention span). It’s hard to let go of attachments to ups and downs and just embrace reality, but in some ways after some practice I predict its likely easier long term.
Thanks for commenting! My parents tried to get me to enjoy and understand the Bhagavad Gita when I was a kid, too, and never quite “got it.”