Life Bucket List item complete! #2 Learn to swim

Does the anxiety ever go away? I asked my fiance*, Mark, one morning before swimming lessons, more than a year into my journey to learn to swim. The year of swimming. It sounded good. It took longer than a year.

I initially crossed off life bucket list item #2, learn to swim in 2015 because I “panic swam” a half lap and comfortably went snorkeling in Jamaica. That seemed like a huge step for me, someone who couldn’t put her face in the water previously.

I was looking at my life bucket list again though and realized I could absolutely not go scuba diving (life bucket list item #39) because I was still terrified of the water and hated going to the pool and the beach and on boats and over bridges. Swimming is scary. Deep water is paralyzing. As a child, I would lock myself in the bathroom to avoid swimming lessons. I don’t know where the fear comes from, but it’s there and it wasn’t going anywhere.

Fortunately for me, Mark loves all things water. Fine, okay. It’s good to tackle your terror, right? Do something every day that scares you. Or some other such bullshit.

So, I uncrossed this item on the life bucket list and decided to re-evaluate it in a more prolonged, systematic way.

First, I wrote a list of what it means to be able to swim.

Can you?

1. Jump into the deep end of the pool (scary!)
2. Tread water for five minutes
3. Swim two laps using the backstroke
4. Swim two laps using the freestyle stroke (hard!)
5. Swim two laps using the breaststroke
6. Touch the bottom of the deep end of the pool (terrifying!)
7. Jump off a diving board (impossible?)
8. Go scuba diving

I started working on this bucket list item in April 2022 when I started taking adult swim lessons (again) and I crossed the final item off my “can you” list in August 2024 . I’ve been working on this post, taking notes and musing on my progress (or lack thereof) all along the way.

After writing the list, I started going to the pool regularly. I took adult swimming lessons more than once, from more than one place, paid for and watched and practiced Total Immersion, the program Tim Ferris recommends. For exercise, I tried water aerobics, deep water aerobics, and water zumba. Forcing myself to just hang out in the water, I went jet skiing and snorkeling and paddleboarding and tubing and to water parks.

It was harder than it sounds.

My progress wasn’t linear either, one day I could do something and the next I’d be afraid again. I regressed constantly. It took a lot of time. So much time.

1. Jump into the deep end of the pool

Mark helped me jump into the deep end of the pool, by having me jump from the bottom rung of the ladder first and then gradually making my way up to the surface. I was able to jump into five feet of water by August of 2022. It took me months to get comfortable doing so. In July of 2023, I made myself jump into this five feet, two inch deep end of the nearby pool nearly every single day.

I know depth doesn’t matter after you can no longer touch the bottom, but it still scared me. Eventually, I jumped into a pool that was twelve feet deep. The next time I’m on a boat, I want to jump into an unknown depth of water, a feat I once thought unconquerable, but now feels doable.

2. Tread water for five minutes in the deep end

I thought I already knew how to tread water, but when I tried to do it for five minutes, I couldn’t get past the 90 second mark. I was tiring myself out so quickly because I was using so much energy freaking out. So I learned better technique, different kicks and ways to cup my hands. Completed: June 2023. This is a skill I kept losing and having to relearn. I think I have it now. Maybe.

3. Swim two laps using the backstroke

I could already swim backstroke, but I needed to calm myself enough to be able to do two laps without stopping. I tend to “panic breathe” when I’m in water and that exhausts me. So, I watched some videos on Youtube and corrected my form and calmed my nerves. I completed this goal in August 2022. I was able to complete this goal early on because you don’t have to put your face in the water for this stroke.

4. Swim two laps using the freestyle/front crawl stroke

This step of learning freestyle took the longest, but it also made a lot of the other steps possible. I read a bunch on freestyle techniques, watched all the Youtube videos, took swimming lessons repeatedly, used different apps, went to the pool regularly trying to imprint muscle memory into my body for the correct way to flail my body.

Eventually, my flailing turned into swimming!

It was a long, frustrating process and I’m not going to pretend like it was easy. There were so many days where I felt sure I would never be able to learn to swim, that I would never be comfortable in the water, that it was never going to get easier.

It took a concerted effort. I went early to my swimming lessons and stayed late and I practiced on my off days.

For me it was the breathing that was the hardest. I automatically held my breath anytime I was underwater, which is what you’re supposed to not do. You’re supposed to exhale out when you’re underwater. It seems so counterintuitive and it took a long time to correct that habit. I went from holding my breath to breathing out with my mouth. Really good swimmers (not me) breathe out through their nose while underwater. I still occasionally find myself slipping back into my old, bad habit of holding my breath.

Eventually, I realized I had to learn to swim like I learned how to sew. I had to do it on my own and figure it out, struggle through, by myself. Classes are good for the concepts, but for it to really click, you have to do it yourself. You have to work through the discomfort and confusion. It was hard, distressing, and scary, and you just have to do it. You can be scared and brave at the same time.

I was also fundamentally misconstruing what this activity was.

“Is swimming freestyle fun?”

Mark: “You’re like a baby who is learning to walk asking if running is fun. No! It’s exercise. Just like freestyle.”

Oh, that’s why it’s so tiring.

I completed this goal in August 2024 and it was so satisfying to come here and strike through the words marking completion of said words.

This article is getting long. Part II to come.

*Oh, yes, we’re engaged! Did I not tell you? Mark asked me to marry him and I said f*ck yeah!