Did you keep resolutions in June? How did you do?
I was doing okay at the beginning of the month, but then I fell off a cliff around the 20th.
A grades
Work out
I still got an A for working out in June, but I broke my work out streak at 120 days. Honestly, it was a bit of a relief. Before I broke it, working out felt like a chore. My average of fifty-two minutes from a couple of months ago fell to thirty minutes and I would watch the clock the entire time, just wanting to be done. I felt no joy in it.
Meditate
I increased my meditation time to 45 minutes from 24 minutes because a book I’m reading suggested it. Again, no joy. I have no idea why I’m doing any of this.
Hair did
That’s an easy enough A.
Vitamin D
Another easy A.
B grades
Morning papers
Surprisingly, there was no joy here either. All my journal entries are really fucking depressing.
Work on book for two hours
I did this! It brought me some joy. I actually have another first draft done and now I just need to work up the courage to, you know, do something with it.
C grades
No sugar
All of this sugar was people giving me sweets and me not refusing. I’m okay with it.
Resolutions I gave up on
Keep phone off
I realized after the first couple of days that putting my phone away was cutting me off from people and that’s really the last thing I need right now. I spend a few hours every day on the phone talking to family and friends and couldn’t give it up. Not in this crap time.
No internet before noon
I gave up on this resolution too because I was getting up so early. The sun rose around 5:30 and that left me 6.5 hours in the morning without the internet. That was too long.
Avoid the news
The news is depressing, but interesting. It was too alluring, so I read a lot of it.
Apply for one job
The first two days of the month, I spent three hours a day looking for jobs to apply to and couldn’t find anything that excited me, and, if you can’t tell from this post, my mental health was not in the best place. I just wasn’t ready.
Wake up with the sun
I was doing well on this for the first half of the month, but then I stopped because I hate waking up to an alarm clock. True story.
It’s the depression wrapped around my throat. Going through and reading all my scribblings about past failed connections was a really fucking terrible idea. I shared five stories with you, but I’ve written dozens and reread them all. It was a lonely, depressing exercise. I’m done with reading/writing/posting any more of those for a while.
And the corona. And other stuff.
I’m in a dark place.
I’m sorry. I don’t mean to bring you down. This too shall pass.
Hopefully.
For July, I’m scaling back to only a few resolutions.
Workout
Meditate
Work on book for an hour
Keep breathing
What about you?
Hi Thriftygal, hang in there! I can tell from your blog post that you’re having a tough time. I sincerely hope that things will improve soon. I do very much enjoy reading your scribblings, and none of your past dates appear to me that you missed out….
Thanks! I appreciate the kind words.
Other than the typical commitments (take Dad to the doctor, take kid to drum practice, work on that TV stand I promised the wife… etc), I do what I want, when I want. I get up when I get up, I go to bed when I go to bed. I buy a donut every now and then. Take a swim in the evening hours. Enjoy our new puppy. Play games with the family after dinner.
Oh, and completely IGNORE any news of the virus. COMPLETELY! And I don’t go anywhere there are lots of people. When I go to the store, I distance from people and wear a mask.
Not sure I could personally be any happier, to tell you the truth.
I’m jealous. Sounds like a pretty nice life.
Thriftygal, hang in there and do whatever you need to do to keep your spirits up. Personally, I ditched nearly all my resolutions because I really don’t need more stress right now, and I just focus on what helps – lots of yoga, watching silly shows like “Fleabag” to take me away and talking to my friends. I don’t know how anyone with half a brain and living in the US can avoid being severely depressed these days. Personally I can’t not watch the news, I need to know what’s going on, because if the orange thing is re-elected or if some other calamity happens (what happens if healthcare workers decide they’ve had enough?) I need to have a plan B. Avoiding bad news is not how I got to FI, and as a scientist, I’m enraged by all the magical thinking I see all around me in my crimson red state. I already requested my absentee ballot for November, and that alone did wonders for my mental state 😊
It does feel like everyone is down right now. It’s a tough time to be alive.
There used to be a show called Sliders, where the characters slipped through a worm hole (or something like that) to different versions of Earth. Honestly, gotta say 2020 version is not one I want to stay in. But you’re right, this too shall pass. It might pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass. Personally, I have found it helpful to utilize an online therapist once in a while. Not to be psycho analyzed, but just to vent to someone. I don’t want to burden friends and loved ones with every dark thought, but I have no problem letting it all out to someone I’m paying to listen to me.
Oh gosh! I loved that show as a kid.
Pass like a kidney stone made me laugh. 🙂
I’m in a dark place at the moment too. I’m on week 2 of this and it has helped – some great ideas for re-wiring the brain. Maybe it could help you or someone else who reads here. Personally, I always smile when I get an email with a new post from you – so thank you:)
https://www.coursera.org/learn/the-science-of-well-being/home/welcome
I’ve done that course! Thanks for the suggestion. I’m glad it’s working for you.
Dear, dear one. You are a beautiful soul. Thank you for sharing. Keep going. The darkness will lift. You are loved.
Thank you! I sure hope the darkness lifts soon.
Mixed results on June chart I think – havnt totted them all up yet. I got 50% on the one I most wanted to improve so am hoping for a better performance in July.
Love your honesty. It is like you are letting us all in to love you even though we are internet dweebs – that must be taxing on you.
As a single man, I’d like to take you on a date and have a shot at being your full-time partner in crime/special confidante instead of feeling pulled to you only when you post. If you are as engaging in person as you are in the written word, you must be quite magnetic. However with us being located in different parts of the world, I will park that idea.
I was listening to a Brazilian woman at an all employee meeting yesterday share how in Brazil, people tend to marry much younger than us “Westerners” and when they do marry, they don’t have boys nights out or girls nights out separate from their spouse.
It got me thinking the Western habit of dating widely and playing the field in 20s and 30s may actually damage our ability to pair bond as our minds are trained to thinking about the “next one” and comparing our current date/partner to Mr/Mrs Perfection who is around the corner and doesn’t exist.
Keep hanging in there Miss.
I read “Pure Heart, Enlightened Mind” – Irish American girl who became first woman in a Japanese Zen Monastery in the 70s I think it was. Just when she felt she was making little progress, her Rishi thought she was doing great. I think doing the Meditation practice even when it doesn’t feel like you are “improving” is critical – I’m talking to myself here too. My meditation habit of 5 mins daily is only kept to haphazardly – it is on my Resolutions chart.
Check out that book – you will like it – I found it very moving. The young woman whose diary the book is based on was killed in a bus crash in Thailand just after gaining “enlightenment” but there is a lot more in the book other than how her life ended. Maybe don’t read if you are super down at the moment.
Thanks for the book suggestion! I’ll add it to my list.
I definitely get emails from people asking me out, but I don’t think I’m built for long distance and I don’t want to email back and forth with strangers, so I never know what to do with those offers.
Two things that I recently heard about and thought about adding more is finding gratitude and laughter yoga. I don’t consistently keep a journal so I just think about what I am grateful for each day. And laughter yoga is really a thing. Look it up. My husband thinks I’m crazy when I start laughing but I does make me feel better. Also dancing is my go to when I feel down.
I’ve thought about starting a gratitude journal. It might be time to do so. I’ve heard of laughter yoga too. Another thing to try! Thanks for the suggestions!
You did recognize what was working for you and what wasn’t and that is good. I just finished listening to Getting Unstuck by Pema Chödrön and I really enjoyed it. Perhaps you have read it – if you haven’t I recommend it. It’s a good aid to your meditation. You are doing good! Keep doing what gives you joy. Sending you a virtual hug. 🙂
Another vote for Pema Chodron! Thanks. That’s another star next to his name on my list of books to read. Thanks for the virtual hug!
I love reading your posts and identify so much with them. Sending you love!
I’m sorry you identify with them! It’s not a good place to be right now. :-/
Trust your body, it knows what it needs to heal itself. And never apologize for writing when your spirits are down. It’s part of you. It’s an important part. I’m guessing it’s the part that makes you aware and compassionate.
Be kind to yourself.
“Be nice to yourself, you jerk” is something I tell myself a lot. 🙂
Hi Thriftygal,
Sorry to hear it’s been a tough stretch, I’m sending you good vibes and metta. I’m glad you picked a simplified list of resolutions for July. I’ve noticed one thing that gets me down is if I aim for too much and then struggle to follow through. My exercise goals for June were way too ambitions and then I was beating myself up for not even coming close. It is VERY impressive you had a streak of 120 days of exercise. I used to be an exercise fanatic but losing my gym has made it tougher for me to get into the rhythm so I will try again in July with a new approach.
I am so impressed you woke up with the sun for even half of June! That resolution of yours inspired me to wake up earlier and try to get in all my exercise before my work day because otherwise I just don’t seem to do it.
Like others have said, I appreciate your honesty and vulnerability on this blog. I second the suggestion on Pema Chodron. And check out dharmaseed.org if you haven’t already, or look up Tara Brach on Spotify. She has so much wisdom.
Thank you for continuing to post!! Keep them coming!
Thanks for the book suggestions! I already have Pema Chodron on my list, so I’ll put a star next to it to remind myself that it’s a priority.
Your mind is insane
And that’s cool, everyone’s mind is
It’s not you so you don’t need to freak out, just let your mind keep on doing it’s usual things
I hope this time passes for you quickly. One thing I haven’t seen you mention is volunteering. I started doing one afternoon a week at the food bank and it has turned out to be rewarding. I look forward to going. As I have gotten to know more of the volunteers who are there with me I find I enjoy talking with them. Will any become long term friends? Who knows but I like the time I spend with them. I also listen to the stories of the customers who come in and realize how blessed my life is. I also started a group for spouses whose spouses have dementia. We love our time together each week. We meet in a local park and just talk because we understand each other and no topic is off limits. Could you start a group with other people who are in the same place in life that you are? Sometimes nothing beats being with a group who “gets” you versus being with people who are in a totally different space. I admire your ability to meditate and the discipline you have to maintain an exercise program. Good luck.
Thanks for the suggestions! I used to volunteer at planned parenthood a couple of times a week (and at the homeless shelter when I visited my parents), but they’ve stopped the volunteering program for now.
Ok
I’ve been feeling about the same…maybe it’s covid isolation, being single for a few years now, not being really happy with my work, being geographically far from family, etc. It can definitely make you feel like..what’s the point of any of this if I’m so unhappy? I did read designing your life, and I’m hoping to figure out what would make me happy and work towards implementing some changes.
What’s the point of any of this if I’m so unhappy is a frequent thought in my head. I’m just not sure how to fix it. I’ll put that book on my to read list. Thanks!
Not a ton to add – Just that these missed connections are part and parcel of the process of being human. We end up where we need to be eventually.
This doesn’t take away the pain of a broken heart but it does get better and know that you’ve succeeded in being human.
COVID x 2020 as a general idea doesn’t make anything easier.
Sending you love and light!
Thank you for sharing your vulnerability!
I appreciate the love and light very much! It’s very needed.
Go easy on yourself – and if I can suggest another resolution, try to get outside every day. It is getting to be a beautiful time of year, which is a reminder that life *does* go on!
Yeah, I think that’s a great resolution. Vitamin D is a real thing!
Yes the new normal sucks! Are you seeing any people you like regularly? I was in desperate need for company and didnt realize I was slipping into suicidal thoughts. I know that its bad for everyone and nothing is really wrong with my life compared to people that die/go to war/unemployment etc, but I’ve realized that the lack of good social contact was making me feel life wasnt worth it… Now I’d rather meet up and be with a few close people (just a few) that are also being careful and at least enjoy the present time together. It was too hard if I’m wishing for things to be different or go back to normal. Now at least the present times are good again.
Also, I’d highly consider finding a good friend or family and just renting a room from them shortterm… My friends that are on their own are struggling with thoughts,.. Those that are holed up with 8 others at least are doing boardgames and a lot of bbqs/firepits together.
Yeah, it’s so hard living alone. I’m really struggling with that. There’s part of me that is considering packing up and moving back to my parents so I can have their company and I can go grocery shopping for them.
I’m kind of surprised you haven’t done this yet. Your FI lifestyle (and as a renter) affords you such flexibility and freedom, why not harness it to do something that you know will improve your mental health? Sure, moving is a hassle and expensive but it doesn’t sound like you accumulate a lot of stuff and moving (even twice) isn’t likely to affect your long-term financial health especially when factoring in savings on rent while living with your parents. I just thought I’d let you know that I second your suggestion to move in with family!
The problem is that I don’t actually think it would do much to improve my mental health.
: (
There is no easy answer here obviously because otherwise you’d been doing that already. The suggestion on being with friends/family is just the value of a close support group to be around when things are at their lowest, like in this antisocial pandemic.
One of my parents has bipolar depression, and for my entire life they’ve struggled with it. They did find the last 20 years far better as it has been brought under some control through support networks, family and better suited meds.
May I ask what form you are grappling with? Things that didn’t work were stimulants (alcohol and too much sport), nor was Lithium any good.
Anyway, probably shouldn’t be advising on a comment in a blog. I just hope you know that your readers appreciate your blog very much.
I’ve read Thrifty Gal’s last few post about failed connections and really identified with a lot of her stories. The only way I found success was through treating dating like a full-time job. I went the on-line route and would spend at least an hour each day swiping and messaging people I thought may be interesting. I allowed it be a priority in my life and to chase what I was after, even though it was exhausting sometimes. It helped me not despair because I felt like I was pro-active about it. I also went into each of those on-line date encounters with a sole purpose of finding the committed relationship I was looking for and let go of anything that wasn’t that (including open relationships, more casual relationships, and even only friendships). I was clear in my profile what I was looking for and didn’t want any other kinds of relationships to distract me. I also read great books by some psychologists, called, “Dr. Seth’s Love Prescription” (cheesy title, but it really helped me with some of my dating issues) by Dr. Seth Myers and “Deeper Dating” by Dr. Ken Page. These books and some self-reflection helped me psychologically change how I approached dating and romance. After two years of on-line dating and many years of past failed relationships, I finally met someone. Having all that dating experience helped me identify him as a good fit for me. We’ve been dating a year now. Anyway, just some tips that helped me. Maybe they will help others?
Thanks for the advice! I’ll put those books on my to-read list.
You are smart and you are strong. I believe you will find your way through this dark time. Sending positive vibes your way.
Thank you! I can feel the vibes. 🙂
I hear you, Thriftygal. It sounds like you’re feeling discouraged and sad. Although those feelings can be no fun, I believe they also indicate something beautiful and awesome about you.
In the acceptance paradox of cognitive behavioral therapy, you are encouraged to reframe anxious or depressive thoughts by acknowledging what’s beautiful about them. I recommend checking out David Burns podcasts on agenda setting if this concept is of interest. He’s also written several books on depression that I have personally found beneficial.
Sending a compassionate hug and gratitude for your writing and your courage to share your challenges on your blog.
Thank you, Lynne. I’ll put his book on my to-read list!
Hug back!
I’m sorry this has been such a tough time for you. This year has sucked. New heights of crazy. I would have laughed and rolled my eyes if someone has written this in a book. Too over the top. Sprinkle in the murder hornet plot and I’d have given up on the book.
I want you to know that I really enjoy what you write, watching your goals and progress. You may think you aren’t as motivated as you want to be, but I think you’ve been amazing. And my motivation, because I’ve added a few similar goals after reading yours. I like hearing about your thoughts behind the actions. It’s always interesting and I feel I know you better as a person.
This comment made me tear up. Thank you for writing it. It might just be because I’m feeling teary in general, but I think it’s the substance.
It’s so hard when you’re in a dark place. I hope you can break out of the funk soon. Because you meditate, you are probably familiar with the Buddhist ideas of impermanence. No feeling, good or bad, will last forever. That often gives me comfort when I’m in a bad headspace.
In June, I made a new list of 101 tasks in 1001 days, but haven’t made a resolutions chart. I also signed up for Gretchen Rubin’s 4 tendencies course when it was on a big sale!
Can you email me your tasks? I need some tasks. I like that idea a lot.
Hey!
I’m sorry you’re feeling so down. One thing that’s helped me this quarantine is reading the book The Art of Happiness in a Troubled World. It’s co authored by a psychotherapist and the Dalai Lama and I found it pretty insightful with lots of actionable items
I’ve found the dalai lama’s words to be very useful. Thanks for the book recommendation!
I started tracking few of my habits and currently not doing well but at least it gives me idea on how much I should improve. This is the second idea I used from your blog after FI sheet. Thanks for that!
You’re very welcome! I’m so happy to hear you found some use from it. 🙂
Hey Thriftygal! I’m one of those long-time lurker, first time posters…
I used to admire your resolution charts from afar and wonder if I would ever get my act together enough to actually commit to multiple resolutions at once. I am off work at the moment and I started keeping track of 7 (easy) resolutions almost 2 weeks ago. Then I added one more because I was so pleased with how much better my days were feeling thanks to that structure.
Seriously, I have to thank you so, so, so much! In the past, I have so often let myself just be lazy, despite knowing that doing so never made me feel good. These past two weeks I have felt so much better about things, despite the awful dumpster fire that seems to continue to burn in certain place.
As others have said, I am so sorry that things are tough right now. I just really wanted you to know (before I even read this post) that your example has had a hugely positive impact on my life, and I am incredibly grateful. It sounds so corny and trite to call someone else inspirational, but I can’t think of a better way to express it… and I profoundly appreciate how honest you are about things in your life. So many others lack the courage to talk about depression, which seems to me to be to everyone’s detriment. Thanks for showing up and pushing through and showing us that, even when things are rough, you can still get things done. Big (long-distance) hugs!
P.S. You can totally ignore this book recommendation: I am currently reading “The Mindful Way through Depression” and I find it fairly helpful (though longer than I would like). Lots of examples and exercises, if you are into that kind of thing.
Examples and exercises are exactly my jam. Thanks for the recommendation!
Wow! Thanks for taking the time to comment and let me know. I’m so happy that the chart is working for you. This comment really made my day more than you know.
Yay! I usually assume all the people I follow are too busy to read comments, so I appreciate it. It is so nice to be able to give a tiny something back, especially since I have benefited so much from your writing!
Haha, I live for comments.
Thriftygal, have you thought about seeing a psychologist or a doctor for consideration of antidepressants? I don’t want to seem forward or presumptive but those are proven therapies for mental health issues and I hope you know they are an option.
I’ve been doing that for many years.
Glad to hear that you are availing of treatment. There will be brighter days
Hi! I love reading your blog! I find it insightful and inspirational. I too suffer from bouts of depression and anxiety. Find it hard to motivate myself to do things. Other than going to work. But I persevere! Lol. One day at a time. I give myself little chores to accomplish every day. Keeps me going.
One day at a time and little chores are my mottos too!