CBT for the win
Okay, that’s a really boring title, but CBT, or cognitive behavioral therapy, helps defeat depression. I wrote a post on the sadness a while back and this is the final tool in my arsenal to destroy it. Recognizing cognitive distortions and logic-ing your way out of it. Your brain is pliable. It will think what you tell it to and the quality of your thoughts determines the quality of your life.
It’s been years since I’ve felt anything except profound gratitude for the life I get to live. I used cognitive behavioral therapy and changed the way my brain was wired to get to that mindset.
Process
So here’s what I did. Whenever I encountered a negative thought, first, I recognized it and wrote it down.
“I’m never going to meet anyone.”
Then I interrupted it.
“Shhhh.”
Then I recognized why the thought was a cognitive fallacy.
“You’re jumping to conclusions. This thought is predicting the future.”
Then I challenged it.
“You can’t predict the future!”
Finally, I redirected the thought. Give yourself a self defense. Be nice to yourself.
“You’re doing everything you can.”
I wrote this all down and kept doing it. Over and over again. “You can defeat depression by changing the negative thinking patterns that cause it.” Eventually you rewire your brain and you just think the positive thoughts.
“Everybody thinks I overshare and I should stop writing.”
“Shhh. This thought is an example of jumping to conclusions, overgeneralization, and all-or-nothing thinking. Surely not everyone thinks the same thing. You don’t know what’s in other people’s heads.
Counter every single negative thought. Don’t let it go unchallenged and unexamined. The thought is probably fundamentally wrong and illogical. I have notebooks full of these challenges. Talk back to your inner critic.
Cognitive distortions
Here are the cognitive distortions. It gets easier to recognize them the more you do it.
1) All-or-nothing Thinking.
This is the tendency to evaluate your personal qualities in extreme, black-or-white categories.
“If I’m not perfect, I have failed.”
“Either I do it right or not at all.”
Absolutes do not exist in this universe. Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.
2) Overgeneralization.
You arbitrarily conclude that one thing that happened to you once will occur over and over again.
“Everything is always terrible.”
“Nothing good ever happens.”
Again, absolutes do not exist!
3) Mental Filter.
You pick out a negative detail in any situation and dwell on it exclusively, thus perceiving that the whole situation is negative.
Noticing our failures, but not acknowledging our successes.
I’m definitely guilty of this. Downplaying my wins and dwelling on my losses.
4) Disqualifying the positive.
This is the tendency to transform neutral or even positive experiences into negative ones.
That doesn’t count.
“If you constantly throw cold water on the good things that happen, no wonder life seems damp and chilly to you!” Focus on the positive and your life will be positive.
5) Jumping to conclusions.
You arbitrarily jump to a negative conclusion that is not justified by the facts of the situation.
mind reading: you make the assumption that other people are looking down on you.
fortune teller error: it’s as if you had a crystal ball that foretold only misery for you.
You don’t know what’s going to happen and you don’t know what other people are thinking.
6) Magnification and Minimization.
You are either blowing things up out of proportion or shrinking them. Everything is a catastrophe or nothing matters at all.
This is the worst thing that’s ever happened.
It’s not that big of a deal. I won the nobel prize. So what?
Give things their appropriate weight. Worrying about something that may not happen is like paying interest on a debt you might not owe.
7) Emotional reasoning.
You take your emotions as evidence for the truth.
“I feel embarrassed, so I must be an idiot.”
“I feel sad, so the world must be shit.”
Emotions aren’t facts!
8) Should statements.
You try to motivate yourself by saying I should do this or I must do that.
“I should be better.“
These words make us feel guilty and like we have already failed.
9) Labeling and Mislabeling.
Creating a completely negative self-image based on your errors.
“I’m a loser.”
“I’m completely useless.”
Your self cannot be equated with any one thing you do. You are more like a river than a statue.
10) Personalization.
You assume responsibility for a negative even when there is no basis for doing so.
“This is my fault.”
It’s probably not completely your fault.
Conclusion
Those are all the distortions and if you can think your thoughts without these distortions, you get a more realistic view of yourself, life, and the world. We’re all just telling stories to ourselves to make sense of the things. All the stories are wrong, of course, but some stories are more wrong than others. Or at least, some stories are actively unhelpful.
Cognitive behavioral therapy is specific ways to uproot the negative pattern of thinking that is depression. It’s good…”for individuals who prefer not to rely on drugs to raise their spirits, but prefer to develop an understanding of what is troubling them and do something to cope with it.”
I read all of this in a book called Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. The clinically proven drug-free treatment for depression by David Burns. I highly recommend it. I especially liked this tidbit.
“You cannot earn worth through what you do. Achievements can bring you satisfaction but not happiness.”
This is a really old article I wrote years ago. Year 38 around the sun for me was recognizing and correcting cognitive distortions. 🙂 And it worked! My depression is a zero on a scale of one to ten. Amazing!
I’ve had years of therapy, and opted out 6-7 years ago, so I am familiar with these ways of thinking. My main challenge is black and white thinking. My therapist used to say, “Be like a reed, blowing in the wind. It bends, but it doesn’t break.” Also she said life is full of different shades of gray, since we are all human beings. “Enjoy your own humanity!” Still challenging for me today. I think I’ll work on this again like you have. Ever heard of DBT therapy? Works! All about reframing. Thank you!
I’ve never even heard of DBT, but it sounds similar to CBT. Thanks for sharing!
Beautiful and valuable words!! Thank you.
*Hugs*
Great article! Thanks for posting.
You’re very welcome. I’m glad you enjoyed it. 🙂
Long time reader, happy you have beaten the sadness!!!! Great post! Going to share it with my teenage son.
Thanks for sticking with me for so long!!
Thanks for this post. People (me…) keep forgetting to rewire their brain when they are in a slump.
I love all you posts, but this one is a great reminder of the things that I should be doing every day.
Be kind to yourself!
I remember David Burns’ handbook from 20+ years ago. I had a folder with columns something like “thought”, “distortion” & “response”.
It was so effective. It was a blast from the past reading this article, thank you. I’m delighted to hear your score is a zero 😊.
Shorthand columns would have made sense. I’m also delighted my score is a zero. 🙂
I’m honestly surprised how many times I recognized my own patterns here, this was the “randomly needed wake up call” I’ve needed lately, thank you! PS. You don’t overshare, you know… when someone is as good a writer as yourself, it’s not oversharing.
That is such a sweet thing to say! You made my day!
Great and informative post, TG. I remember how surprised I was by your original post about your depression, mostly because I thought highly functioning people with functioning families who were pursuing their bliss and writing blog posts wouldn’t get depressed.
I wondered how you were getting on and am heartened and agog that CBT has gotten you to not depressed at all. Wow! I recognize all the points of ‘stinkin thinkin’ in my own ruminations, so this is useful.
I’m glad you found it useful! Also, I love the word agog.
Excellent article! I like how you get right to the point with actionable info. I am prone to many of these cognitive distortions, and even though I know this about myself, I haven’t been doing anything about it. I’m going to start writing and taking the steps you outlined. Thank you for sharing! (It always makes me happy when I see you published a new post)
It always makes me happy when you comment! 🙂
I had heard about CBT but didn’t know much about it. My daughter who is psychology major has mentioned this a few times. You did an excellent job summarizing the topic. It is true everyone has an up and down day. Most people are more negative than positive. May be it is a human nature! Thank you for writing a summary. I enjoy your updates…..keep up the good work!
Appreciate the comment! Your daughter sounds smart.
Great article. I found a book a few years ago called “a guide to rational living” that taught me some of this info, and I remind myself of these distortions when I get down in the dumps. It helps!
I’m putting it on my to-read list. Thanks!
I’m so happy you beat your depression, Thriftygal!!! This post is sooo profound. Kudos to you for being so open about your struggles and your success. You will give hope to many people. This isn’t necessarily relevant for you, as you’ve beaten this awful disease, but in case it helps others, I want to recommend the book “The coddling of the American mind,” about today’s mental health crisis for teenagers and young adults. One of the authors has a long history of severe depression and similarly credits CBT for saving his life. It’s a short book and easy to read. Congrats again Thriftygal!! 😊
Thanks for the book recommendation. I’ll put it on my to-do list. 🙂 Thanks for commenting!
I’m so very happy to hear that CBT worked for you! I have bookmarked this post as a little reminder for the future when I inevitably slip into a negative thinking loop. Thanks very much 🙂
I’ve found myself reading this post a lot too! I’m glad it resonated with you. 🙂
Great post and thank you for being so open! I ordered the book a few days ago. Thanks for mentioning it and its impact on you. Glad you’re doing so well!!
I hope it helps you in whatever you need! Let us know what you think when you’re done.